Struggling to come to terms with my ex abandoning our baby

[Bonji83]

Please help. I feel like it's consuming me and I need to be focused on my little boy. I kept our son because he begged me to and said if I terminated it would psychologically damage him. He swire that he would be there and supporthim even if we wasn't together. There were red flags then hence why I was contemplating aborting. Obviously i'm happy I did keep my boy. He's amazing and brings so much joy to my life and my families but I never thought for one minute I would be a single mum.

I'm sorry to say that your ex is an abuser.

He used manipulation techniques to get you to bring a child into the world that he had no intention of ever raising. He enjoyed exerting power over you to do his bidding essentially, and now that's played out he's off.

Have you put a claim with CMS yet?

Ok.

Be factual. You have a wonderful son. The dad's not in the picture and you can't change that.

Yes you are a single mum, and that can be shit (been there), but being in a bad relationship can be even worse though (been there too and take single motherhood every day of the week).

You haven't been abandoned. He didn't force you to have the child, so the first thing to do is stop viewing yourself as a passenger in your own life. You've split up with your child's parent. Who sounds like an absolute energy draining drama llama. And you don't need that with a baby. Perspective.

Reeling in a pity party isn't going to get you anywhere, take control of what you can. If he's not around, who is? Baby and toddler groups? Family? Friends? Just you and the little one, spending precious time together.

Oh, and get a claim in to CMS. Enjoy your wonderful boy, because it sounds like this man has done you a favour by taking himself out of the picture.

He definitely was an abuser. Not physically but mentally. I've been called some awful names for no reason, used to check my phone without my permission and was very jealous and paranoid and even accused me of sleeping with my brother! He admitted to me once I was pregnant that he had that many things wrong with him that every day he battled demons and two main things he confessed, he had thoughts of grandeur and grandiose which I now know is related to narcissism but silly me saw good in him. He was there at the birgh and great to start with then things changed. We got back together when our son was born. Yes I get child maintenance now.

You're right. He didn't force me but I thought I could trust this man. Well person. I look at my son and hes his dads double. What makes it worse is that he has a daughter from a previous relationship who he sees. I was close to her and my son formed a bond with her but not seen her for 5 months since I ended it with him.

Life doesn’t always pan out like we expect. I didn’t expect to be divorced at 45 but here we are.

What we can do is try and find the happiness in life - and you will find that by accepting he is gone and focusing on your son. There will be a point when you don’t want that mother fucker near him because you will be quite happy with him not on the scene. You got your son out of that relationship - that’s a blessing.

Him not wanting to be involved is nothing to do with you or your son - this is all on him. Please don’t blame yourself or think your son is not worthy - it’s just that this man is a piece of shit and it’s all on him.

You will come through this x