Feel like I'm losing my mind

[Charr001]

My lb is just over 2 and he's not an awful toddler not at all but I just feel absolutely drained.

I feel like every day I wake up and wonder what the hell I'm going to do with all the hours ahead or wondering if I'm going to be treading on eggshells around him if I take him out somewhere even to the shops.

I'm fed up of it being so constant and I know it's a stupid thing to say but his dad stopped seeing him a month ago and I just feel exhausted it's the same day in day out. If I pop out it only kills a couple of hours and I'm struggling to entertain him.

I feel at the end of the day like I've told him off so much purely because he's bored and just testing boundaries. I feel like an awful mum but all he does is tell me no. He never wants a cuddle, barely eats his dinner, he goes absolutely mental every time I do his nappy or put clothes on him and I just feel like it's all too much. I'm jealous of my friends that have their babies dads that come home and take over, I feel so sad with it all and guilty for feeling sad. I love him with all my heart but feel I'm not cut out for it & that I won't be able to have any more children after him. When I go out with my friends he seems to always be the one kicking and screaming, I used to actively avoid leaving the house because last time I took him to a soft play and went to leave he screamed so much he made himself sick.

I just feel like I'm failing him and myself.

Sorry it's so hard ...is there any way you can put him in childcare for a bit even if you work those hours?

He's in nursery 2 days a week. He didn't go this week though. And next week is half term, it just still feels like such a struggle. Thank you though, hoping it gets better x

Ah that's good - I suppose all I can suggest is if you can try to up that to more days? I know it's easy to say, it all costs money...

I totally under your feelings. Single parenting is tough, especially when it's just you planning and arranged ALL of the entertainment!
My tip - get out early, even if it's just for an hour or so. Go for a walk, park, wander around home bargains (😂), soft play, trampoline park, friends house, breakfast at a cafe, trip to the library... etc
I honestly think getting up and out nice and early helps the day flow. It bridges that time between breakfast and dinner, then you feel you can have a nice chill over lunch time or not feel guilty for doing chores etc.

Also remember that EVERYTHING is a phase with children/toddler. Some things may feel tough for a long time, but most things will get lighter... and then something else will crop up 🙈

I don't know you, but I can absolutely guarantee you're not the terrible mum you think you are. It sounds like you're really overstimulated and overwhelmed. Are there any parts of the day which feel tougher than others?

I feel you Momma. It’s so exhausting. My little girl is what people call a ‘dream’ kid (she’s 4) but I still feel how you do. Solo parenting is so hard. People say enjoy it but that just riddles you with guilt more. My only advice is to maybe look at more daycare, and where do you live (county?) see if there’s any local mums who would like to spend time with you? I was a Covid lockdown mum, so I fully understand how long your days feel x

Didn't want to read and run. I'm no expert, but maybe he has ASD? I'd look into it. On the other hand it could just be the terrible twos.

What helped me was lowering all my expectations. For everything! For me, as long as by bedtime he is fed and not dead, im happy.

And letting him have his feelings. Mine has recently started having tantrums when i say no (and i have to say it more than i would like!) and he gets cross and smacks me, so i correct the smacking sharply and shortly - firmly take his hand and say no smacking. Cos i have to teach him this. Other than that i don't respond at all when hes cross and having a tantrum. He's allowed his feelings. I dont restrict or feed into them either way. It soon passes.

Remember your goal is to keep him safe, to teach and guide him, rather than be his friend. You're not his friend and you're not there to be liked, you're there to keep him alive. That's all you need to do as priority. The rest will come in time

Im also a single parent. I cant imagine working hard with him all day working on boundaries and being firm, having to do all the dirty work so to speak re being the one to have to say no and be strong and firm all day against all the awful tantrums, only to have his other parent stroll in from work and be the "fun parent" cos they have the mental and emotional energy to do so. It wasn't my choice to have his dad not arsed and never meet him or care. But looking on the bright side, at least there's that!