Hello lovely. I was widowed 4 years ago when my daughter was 2. I hope you don't mind but I'll answer the questions you asked @Widowtoo – I hope it's helpful.
I was an absolute state after DH died, of course. It was the worst time of my life and unbelievably hard. I have lots of threads from around that time if you want to read more. But things DID get easier, with time. 8 weeks in was a very very hard stage – I'd say months 3 and 4 were quite possibly the worst it got – and at the time I felt like I couldn't possibly recover and everything would be as hard as it was forever. That wasn't true. Grief isn't linear, and there were lots of up and downs, but the general trend is upwards. Things do become manageable, and in time, joy starts to seep in again, and then even contentment. I miss DH every single day – he was my soulmate, my other half, the great love of my life and I will never stop missing him – but I have built a good life alongside my grief, and most of the time now I am content.
The biggest driver of that contentment is how much I've changed, I think. I am a completely different person and what I want and need in life is equally different. I have found happiness in things I couldn't have imagined would make me happy back then. A big part of my recovery was learning to let go of the life I would have had and instead focus on the life I now have, allowing it to be different, allowing myself to be different. There's a grief in that, too. But also a freedom.
I don't want to ramble too much, but please know you're not alone. I highly recommend joining Widowed and Young if you haven't already – the Facebook group is incredible for peer support. And please do reach out here if you need us. It's a club nobody wants to join, and we wish you didn't have to be here with us – but you are very welcome nonetheless.