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How do I introduce my boyfriend to my 5 year old?

4 replies

tetti · 24/04/2008 11:04

I am in a relationship since 2 months with a wonderful guy.
I have a 5 year old girl,and me and her dad separated last summer after 12 years together and are on very good terms.
He introduced his new partner to our girl,and they got along very well.

She met my boyfriend briefly whilst her dad and his gf was here,and my daughter hid away covering her face,after he'd gone she went up to her room and locked herself in.
Me and her dad talked to her,and naturally it felt very strange for her to see her mum with another man,and she thought it meant that I didn't love her anymore.
I explained that she will always be my number one,and that I will always love her more than anyone in the world:-),that my bf does not want to take her dad's place,but to be her friend.

It is hard for him,due to his nature of work,to come over in the daytime on weekends,or before she goes to bed on a weekday eve,his shifts are all over the place,so it's kinda hard to do those icebreaking things like perhaps go to the zoo or go for a meal or to the park.

The other day he came early in the evening though and my daughter was very excited to see him,but when he came she hid,and was clinging on to me for dear life,she is a very outgoing child,but can be very shy around adults.
The next day she told me she didn't like him,and I asked why(hi is a very warm guy and fantastic with kids,and approached her very gently).She said it was because she wished that me and her dad would get back together(that will never happen),and because she felt scared,again,that I would stop loving her because I now have a boyfriend.

I am the happiest I have been in years(my ex and I argued alot,he put me down in front of our girl all the time,and it was not a great atmosphere for a child to be in).
I would love for my little girl and my boyfriend to get to know eachother,and I know he's willing to do whatever it takes.But we both know it will not happen overnight,and that it will take time for her to trust him and grow to know and like him.
Anyone who's been in the same boat who's got any helpful advice on how to tread in this type of situation?

OP posts:
allgonebellyup · 24/04/2008 11:06

is this the bloke who you thought was mucking you around for a bit?

tetti · 24/04/2008 14:23

Nope,he's long gone!

OP posts:
allgonebellyup · 24/04/2008 17:54

oh, ok then.

solo · 24/04/2008 18:01

My Ds was 6 when he met my man. He liked him and more to the point, he liked that mummy was happy now(his words to my mum).
I found it a big step and it was also a couple of months before I introduced them, though to tell the truth, if my Dp wasn't decorating over 4 days for me and needing to stay over night when Ds would be here, I would most likely have left it a good while longer to let them meet, as I'd done it before and Ds was dreadfully hurt when things didn't work out. That's the true risk.
Hope it works out for you.

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