Parenting agreement type things - what is reasonable?

[MissingMyHeels]

My partner and I currently live apart and I think it is pretty much over between us so we're having a trial separation. We're sitting down on Saturday to have a chat about how we manage things from here.

It's all very amicable and DD is only 5 weeks so will still be in very regular contact. What is important to cover? What is reasonable in terms of contact? How often does your/would you like your ex to see your kids?

TIA.

Anyone?

My situation is a little different in the fact that our dd is 7yr old and exp wont really speak to me just e mails so not exactly amicable - also still very new - 6 wks since we split and had no idea it was coming - in terms of access Ive agreed to dd seeing dad every other weekend for a day until she settles into this routine and then he will have her from 6.30pm Friday till Saturday 5pm every alternate weekend. thing is I hear a lot how fathers set out to want lots of access and then the novelty wears off after a while and we have to deal with the fallout. However I would agree you need all the ehlp you can get with a newborn - if he wants to see her often take it shes not used properly to having him around 24/7 so to speak so could work in your favour - be aware however if you are on benefits you might get a reduced amount if father has her over 52 nights per yr. Good luck - hes goint to miss out on lots this is a precious time and he wont get a rewind button .

Thanks t4g - He does want to come over 3 times a week and have her overnight for one night when she is a bit bigger and before then stay with her at mine (in a different room to me, obv!).

Not on benefits and he is maintaining his current contribution to the household. I'm really sad about what he is going to miss out on too but unfortunately I can't make him grow up and stop being so selfish on a day to day basis [sigh]

Sorry to hear about your split, it's rubbish but it will get better - it has to!

Hello MMH, my partner and I split up a while ago.

It is all pretty amicable at the moment, he stays with us at weekends and, one day during the week, will phone to ask if we're free and if he can pop in. His job means that he can't always arrange set times during the week, but the informality is working for us.

When xp has enough space and when dd is a bit older (she's 12months old at the mo) we'll have to re-think the arrangement and she'll spend one night at his at weekends.

Good Luck, I hope you manage to work it all out.

Are you feeding your dd yourself or is she bottle fed?

I'm mixed feeding and moving towards exclusively bfeeding as we had some probs with it as she was in special care when she was born. I don't want to exclude my XP or make things more difficult but it is pretty important for me to bfeed her.

LuX - that sounds like the sort of thing we're doing at the minute, just lots of people told me that we need to formalise it. Good to know that isn't always the case. Do you feel like you can move on with your current arrangement? My worry about it being informal was that it could mean he was here too much, staying over too much and just like being together.