Overwhelmed new single parent

[Hello638105]

Please help. I have recently split with the father of my children we have a 5 month old and a 3 year old. He wasn’t very present or supportive and never involved with the children. He now wants them at the weekends. Have said no to over night stays with the baby but yea to the 3 year old. He has him every other weekend Friday to Sunday. But here’s my problem, he has moved nearly 2 hours away and drops him home at 6pm. He falls asleep in the car. And then he will not go back to bed, he has nursery at 8:30 tomorrow. And now probably won’t go to. Ed until gone 10. Can I please get some suggestions as to what would be a reasonable time. Because this is totally unfair on the children. He came home in such a state, crying his eyes out saying he has missed his baby brother, and now isn’t going to sleep. And this is all before he has a full day at nursery tomorrow. I know he needs a relationship with his Dad but this cannot be in the best interest on the children. I am feeling absolutely awful. And just don’t know what to do. I did try to go through mediation however he just wouldn’t agree to anything. And it’s just so complicated. Im sorry I have just had a huge rant and just at a complete lost in what to do. It’s Sunday I’m trying to get my 3 year old to sleep and felling stressed and overwhelmed

ok, first, take a breath. It isn't the end of the world if one night a fortnight your 3yo has a later night and a little less sleep.

You can ask you Ex to drop him back at 5 instead of 6 (if possible) and just push his bedtime back to 9. I promise it won't make that much difference.

It has to be better to push bedtime than all of you getting horrible upset and stressed trying to get him to sleep when he isn't ready.

just to add to this. your 3yo cannot tell the time. if he has programmes on tv he usually watches before bed, record some, and then you just start the normal 'routine' a little later.

The routine is in the actions, not the time on the clock.

It might be better if your child goes to him Saturday to Monday, then it is up to your ex to drop him to nursery on Monday.

6pm is a reasonable time to drop him home, just adjust your schedule a little as people suggest, bath bit of downtime watching tv then bed about 8.

I would write to him and politely explain the issue and impact on child and suggest

• earlier drop back on Sunday
• they do the drive earlier and then go to a park or kid friendly restaurant local to you for dinner and then come back for 6 (then maybe the baby can go out for that last hour or so too)
• he finds a way to keep him awake in car eg a tablet
• he takes him to nursery himself on Monday (if he is flexible with work)

6pm is not a reasonable time to drop off a 3 year old who sleeps in the car. Change the time to 4pm.

Whether he drops off at 4 or 6 it's going to be the same problem, the child will have been sleeping in the car for 2 hours. How long has this been the arrangement? I would say you need to probably give it a few months to confirm it doesn't work, if you're in a high conflict split, assuming that too soon will juts cause you more problems.

I have a 3 year old and the earlier they nap in the day the earlier they go to bed. Off course it's going to make a difference!

A court will put the needs of the child first not the father.

What a selfish man to move that far away from 2 very young children.
I wouldn't be letting the 5 month old go for quite some time!
You have a hell of a lot on your plate and the arrangement needs to suit you and the kids as much as possible and not be creating more stress.
Put your foot down.

He's not going to sleep at 8 because he only woke from his car nap at 6!