Becoming a single mum

[Independentmummy]

Hi all,

I wanted some feedback on pros and cons of being a single mum for those that have no dad involvement help. I’m going to become a single mum and I’m so worried about whether I’m enough and the disadvantages and financial side etc and I want the best for my child. I also feel real judgment from others and I’m worried about the lack of support I’ll have. This will be my first child on my own. I don’t have a very reliable family network, but I do have some family nearby and I have friends, but most are at some distance away now. I’m just worrying about the reality of it and whether I’ll be enough as a mum, whether I can do it on my own and I’d really like to hear from anyone who has any advice, practical ideas and so on for a first time single mum. I’d be super grateful. 😊

I am a single mum on the other side of the world from my family. I found that my work network was very helpful. Crucially, making back up plans ahead of time for anything that might go wrong and being prepared has meant that I was able to manage and not feel too anxious.

For example have plenty of frozen meals in the freezer, spare keys in different locations, good amount of savings for emergencies, income protection insurance etc. Service the car regularly to avoid breakdowns. Think about how you would get to hospital quickly with an unwell child at 3 am and make a plan for that e.g if not ambulance then call Uber.
As soon as the kids are able train them on how to do chores such as washing their clothes and making simple meals and snacks for themselves. I found my kids were very keen to learn independence skills especially before they were teenagers.

Great advice from @WalkingaroundJardine

Can't really add much, but just to say that if your child is safe, well fed, clothed and (above all) loved, then you will be a great mum.

I am separated now, but was doing 98% of the childcare even whilst married - being a single parent has made little difference to my life (except financially, but we can definitely cope).

I would say, with an only child to make an effort to take them to play centres etc where they can meet other children and socialise. I am an introvert but making the effort has really helped my kid.

It's been work that's been the biggest challenge for me, if you can find an understanding employer that offers you some flexibility, that is worth its weight in gold.

It's not easy but remember no phase is permanent and kids are always changing, so you just hang on during the tougher times.