I have had 7 years of him sending reams and reams of unsolicited texts threatening to have dd put into care, telling me that I don’t deserve children, that I am ruining her life etc, alongside other texts that are just condescending and infantilising.
He never shows up on the dates and times he is meant to under the residency agreement, and then loses the plot if I challenge him re-arranging for a random day and time (we have no after school club at school, so he knows that if he calls school at 2.30 saying he can’t pick up for 3 then I have to leave work, and then he just doesn’t bother collecting her from my house). I now can’t work because of this as I currently can’t find a job that has 9.30-.2.30 hours so am trying to go self-employed. The school is the best for her needs and we are mid way through an EHCP.
He completely disagrees with our daughter’s medical diagnoses, and she has two operations that need doing before she is much older (she is 7.5 and they need doing before she is 10). He refuses permission for them every time we see the consultant. They affect her sight and her walking (she needs an eyelid lift on one eye, and needs her calves lengthening as she cannot put her heels to the floor, which causes a lot of pain and cramping when walking. They aren’t life-threatening, but the are affecting her quality of life as she is losing sight in one eye and cannot walk for prolonged periods and often falls when skipping or running). He has regularly told dd that she doesn’t want to have them as she will be in incredible amounts of pain afterwards, and so has terrified her into not wanting them. He regularly accuses me of making up diagnoses for her and then making medical staff and school go along with it to appease me. I don’t know how I would even begin to make up an eye lid that covers her entire eye and make people believe me if it wasn’t actually there!).
Dd never wants to go to his house. School have many notes on her refusing to leave the building when he does collect, and him taking her into school in inappropriate clothing (he sends her in in a vest and knickers at 7, despite me providing uniform). I also have a recording of dd telling me this weekend that she doesn’t want to go because he shut her in her bedroom with the light turned off and wouldn’t let her back out again (she is terrified of the dark).
I am seeing a solicitor tomorrow. The last time we went to court I was granted a non-molestation order and a prohibitive steps order. He was given supervised contact at his parents’ house. In the final hearing, we got a female judge. She refused to let the non-molestation order be recorded on his file as it might “impact his future prospects” and it was just “my word against his”. She granted him every second weekend and overnight every Tuesday unsupervised. I have years of evidence of him not picking up, dropping back off days early, and messing around times. He also only started paying maintenance last month.
I haven’t gone back to court until now because non of his messages threatened to actually hurt me, so I didn’t think they were threatening enough. I have also been told I cannot stop his contact, even if dd doesn’t want to go. I am also worried about costs, as we have a very low income, and can’t even afford basics at the moment.