When and how to explain absent father to young sons?

[WildTwins]

I split with my ex husband when my twin sons were a few days old. He was emotionally abusive during my pregnancy and he was rough with one of my sons when they were a few days old so I left him. He has had very little contact since then and does not see them and has not seen them for over a year. I initially tried to facilitate contact but it became apparent he had no interest in having any kind of consistent, meaningful relationship with them. My sons are now almost 3.5 years and have recently started school nursery, one of their topics is families. My sons understand that a daddy is in some families but haven't yet asked about theirs, I am not sure whether I should start talking about him with them now or wait until they start asking questions? I am dreading these conversations and still don't have the words to explain it to them. Im terrified it's going to have a negative impact on them which is making me what to delay the conversation for as long as possible but I know this may not be the right thing for them. Does anyone have any advice on the best way to start approaching this?
Thank you xx

Hi, I hope you don’t mind me replying,not a single mum but I was raised by one with similar circumstances to you. My only advice is make sure that their father isn’t a taboo subject but someone who can be mentioned and asked about, if it becomes a taboo subject then it turns into something shameful…Also you know they may have friends asking where their dad is so they will want an answer to be able to give, maybe not now but in the near future. So if fathers are mentioned in whatever context by your sons , eg a friend’s dad or something about dads at school maybe, tell them that they have a dad, everyone has a mum and dad but some mums and dads don’t live together. Say it simply and positively, give a brief and simple reason and reassurance that they have you….and let them know if they have questions then you will answer them…. I’m sure there will be people with further advice but hope this helps and hope you didn’t mind me commenting.

I agree that open communication is best. Though only including age appropriate information.

You don't want a vacuum of information to allow them to create their own father myth in their heads.
You want their story to be something they've always just known not discovered at a later age.

I googled 'absent parent book' and saw quite a few were available for young kids.

So though I can't recommend one, I think in your position I would look at the options and find one that is supportive of their understanding in a way that reassures them the family they have is good as it is ... and sometimes a person who might have been in a child life can't be and that might be for valid reasons and not a bad thing.