Hi everyone,
I am new to this forum so please be kind. I have recently separated from my children's father after 7 years (engaged but never married). My decision - toxic, emotionally abusive and controlling. We have two children ages 3 and 5. The eldest has asd,sld and attends special school.
My ex wants to take the kids 50/50 and I have agreed verbally, we start the new routine in October. He will pay me 295 a month, according to cms this is correct for 50/50. He earns 57k and I earn 25k. He has suggested a rota of - Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wed morning pre school for this days. Mine are to be Wed pm, Thurs, Fri, and we take turns every other Saturday. Obviously with this I never get a full weekend, he does, but I felt grateful he offered 50/50 and went with it.
He kept the family home and paid me off. I will probably have to rent forever, rely in benefits and our disabled son will most likely live with me until the day I die. I can also see him backing off my disabled son as the years roll on. I also wonder will he still want 50/50 when a new partner is on the scene. I never want to have to split my two children up.
Although I do need a respite from my eldest son, I dont know how fair this rotuine is in him - he needs a strict routine. He is also alot closer to me than his father and I am worried he will not be able to voice his feelings due to his disabilities.
Is there any option to go to some sort of mediator and get a formal coparenting agreement in place? My ex is very much lets leave it as is and wont discuss pick up times or anything. He wants it very flexible. Am I better to go with this for now? Can I backtrack if it's not working?
Any advice welcome.
Thanks