Male role model for boy..

[Lorelaigilmore88]

I am single parent to Dd 9 and Ds 4 ( just started reception).
Their father is not around and in all likelyhood will never see them again.
I was raised solely by my mum, no father around, he left when mum was pregnant so I've never met him. It was just me, mum and my sister.
How important do you feel it is for young boys to be around men or to have a masculine role model? And how do you do this as a female single parent?

Btw I have no brothers, uncles, grandads etc... I have two good male friends from school but they have their own families and they arent that close to my DCs...
Just conscious Ds is raised by all females (me, and mum and sister all very close, they both spend a lot of time with both my DCs). I wondered whether or not this is important.

I'd be interested to hear other people's views on this as in a similar position!

I am married and have two sons with an amazing man. My own Dad worked away a lot and I only have sisters, no uncles or grandads to look up to so raised by a strong woman. I think pointing out behaviour of men whether good or bad is important. For example we stopped watching some TV shows because of the behaviour seen as comedic or adorable ie Big Bang Theory, if Leonard tries hard enough, persists enough he will get the girl despite being told no so many times. Or Modern Family Phil's constant comments about Gloria are inappropriate and not funny. Or worse which was the best boyfriend for Rory in Gilmore Girls, the answer is none, they are all terrible for different reasons

So although my sons have an excellent role model in Dh and my own Dad was completely hands on in the 70s when he was home and I talk about that; we as parents still comment on relationships or friendships in books, on tv, in movies so that they see what we believe is good, bad, acceptable, understandable relationship behaviour. It doesn't have to be in real life, not all behaviour can be modelled in real life. It also applies to women too and their behaviour.

Dh is a giant of a man, 6'3" built to play rugby and is soft as a marshmallow, cries at sentimental things so hopefully has demonstrated that men can be vulnerable and still loved and respected. My sons are now 21 and 18, lovely, sweet, caring boys.

Teachers? Yes I think it’s important and I’m grateful my son has had 2 male teachers (same one for 2 years then another one now) he also has no contact with his father so I’m glad he gets to be around men in another way as I haven’t and won’t date and have no male friends or family

In my opinion, very important. It's so good for boys to have positive role models, someone to inspire them to push themselves.

I would enrol them in sports and clubs such as scouts. Introduce them to inspiring male leaders through literature and media

I found it important once DS got to about 5.

He had me, his teacher & head teacher all female. As he grew older he definitely needed some male relationships. My siblings nearby are women.

Ds started karate at 6 and his (male) sensai has been an important and consistent influence. He also had a male swimming coach and had a male form teacher at one point. The man who cuts our hair was important for a while too.

Now he's 16, two of his three subject teachers are men, and he still has sensai. I need to add more for the next two years, maybe find him a gym coach.

It can be a battle to find men who can be trusted and will show some interest.

I think it is very important. I'd get him into a good club- karate maybe as it's quite disciplined and maybe scouts when older.

Thanks @flooachoo :)
Lovely to hear that your boys had your lovely DH to role model good behaviour for them.
I do agree that its going to be important he sees good men in tv, films, books etc... fortunately DS loves being read too and can be quite thoughtful in talking about books he likes, so thats good 👍

Thanks @Clumsy12345

I agree, I wont be dating at all until both DCs are older and I'm happy with that decision. His teacher this year and next year will are female, but its likely he will have male teachers in later years as there are more in year 4, 5 and 6

I think I read something about them being close to their Mum's when they are little but as they move into puberty and get hormones they seek out male validation. I think a lack of make role model is less of a problem than having a bad male role model. Often as they get older and engage with sports / scouts etc they gain role models.

Scout groups/ beavers etc?

That's quite a good idea @Meadowfinch and funnily enough hes already said he wants to do karate. He will be joining clubs. My dd goes to stage school on the weekend and loves it, so want him to do something extra curricular as well.

I ageee with @WonderingWanda the most detrimental thing is a poor role model.

My ds has been raised predominantly by a single mum, with an older sister (in a house always full of females!)

He is now an adult and is a kind, beautiful soul of a man, who is very comfortable around women and a lovely partner/friend.

Agree with sports and scouts type of leaders and coaches.

The best thing you can do is observe with him, and talk about which behaviours are acceptable from the men he reads about / sees on TV once he’s older.

If you belong to a church community, or attend local community events and meet-ups, you might form a closer relationship with families with kids of their ages. Both me and my siblings had role models in aunties / uncles from the local church or town community, and this was invaluable looking back on it now. There were some sensitive issues I’d talk to my mum (embarrassingly) about, but as a teen you doubt everything your parents say - so to have it confirmed by the “cool” auntie was a big deal growing up. They parented me in a way by supporting my parents’ authority while also being there to listen when I didn’t turn to my
parents.

I really do believe in the “it takes a village”
concept so I would aim to meet more families in your local area. This will provide your son with good male role models hopefully.

Martial arts was a godsend for my ds, he had a great instructor and it was good for his confidence

Nice thread - very insightful.