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Original poster

Today my childrens absent father turned up at their school... with his new kid.

21 replies

ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/09/2024 17:28

My children are 11 and 9. Their father left when I was pregnant with the youngest and walked out their lives completely. He's never met the youngest. A few years ago he made contact to let me know that my CMS (deduction of earnings, he didn't want to pay voluntarily!!) payment would drop as he was having another child. Nice of him... but there you go.
Over the 10 years he's been gone, I've seen him out and about from time to time. I know where he lives. He never moved far away.
The next contact I had with him was back in April this year when he quit his job, and stopped paying. Apparently he was now becoming a stay at home dad. Classic tale, right?
Then today, I was dropping my son off at primary, when who should I come across, but him. Dropping the new child off at nursery.
He knew what school they went to. So he has deliberately chosen to send his child there. There are 3 schools closer to him. Just as good schools. No reason whatsoever to need to send them to this particular school. It's a big town, not a rural area.
How the hell can he have the audacity to waltz in being dad of the year to his new child, whilst ignoring the other two that aren't worthy of his time? Absolutely no thought for them whatsoever.
My elder one recognised him - I've never kept him a secret, they know what he looks like and his name. He has bright green hair, so you couldn't have missed him really. They have now realised the reality that he has another child and is fully present in their lives. So now I'm dealing with their upset.
I'm honestly raging. How fucking dare he. If he didn't want to be in their lives, then stay away completely. This just feels like taunting.
To make matters worse, his new wife has the same name as me so I'm now going to have to let school know so that they don't pass any information to his new wife, or visa versa. It could be really confusing.
Ugh. Just ugh.

OP posts:
WhamBamThankU · 03/09/2024 17:30

I'm so sorry. He sounds like an awful wanker.

reallyworriedjobhunter · 03/09/2024 17:32

I'd also let school know what he is putting your children through.

He sounds like absolute scum.

GermanBite · 03/09/2024 17:38

It's an absolutely awful thing for him to do. I'm sorry you're all going through this.

I would speak to the school about it as they might not be aware that the children have no contact with him.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/09/2024 17:41

Just had another thought, he will have access to class dojo etc, I'm going to have to ask them to keep my child off the photos etc that all parents see.

OP posts:
Ibouncetothebeat · 03/09/2024 17:45

I don't get why you need to tell the school anything. If your name is common enough to be the same as the new GF then they probably won't realise. They are no more like to mix you up than other children and parents in the school.
Maybe I'm just a bit more private but I wouldn't want to tell the school my personal business for no reason. Especially if the dad has nothing to do with them and probably not on any of their school systems as your children's parent.

And why are you happy for hundreds of strangers to see your children's picture on dojo but you will go out of your way to make sure he doesn't. Just let it go. Don't get your children excluded from photos and you seeing their progress just to spite him when he doesn't care! And won't even realise you have done it.

JaninaDuszejko · 03/09/2024 17:56

Yeah, just ignore him. Your DC know he's not been around for them for the last decade, it's a shame your elder child recognised him TBH. He's presumably not on the school system as their father so he'll have no more access to them than any other random pupil's father at the school so I'd not involve the school. They are presumably in Y6 and Y5? So you're at opposite ends of the school and the overlap won't be for long before your DC are at secondary.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/09/2024 18:01

It's not a common name, no. Especially first and last name together.
My fiancée is a teacher and said definitely tell school as he does have parental responsibility as we were married at the time of birth so he is named on their birth certificates. Plus with her having the same name, it will definitely be confusing. Especially if I ring up and say "it's ThisMustBeMyDream calling for x memeber of staff".
It was my son who reminded me about dojo, they have said they don't want him on there seeing their pictures.

OP posts:
Flossflower · 03/09/2024 18:22

If his eldest is at school and his youngest is at nursery does that now mean he is working again and he can start paying again for his children?

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/09/2024 18:31

Nope. It looks like they've sent him mornings only. And there is no wraparound at this school at all.
My kids are with the only childminder who goes to the school, and she is full. She will only take 2 after school which are my two. And they will be there for another 2 years (my eldest is SEN so will be there longer possibly).

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/09/2024 18:31

He only has that one other child.

OP posts:
ChimneyPot · 03/09/2024 18:37

Did he get a place in the school because he was a sibling? That would really annoy me.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/09/2024 18:46

No, it isn't an oversubscribed nursery or anything.

OP posts:
Changeiscomingthisyear · 03/09/2024 18:51

Ibouncetothebeat · 03/09/2024 17:45

I don't get why you need to tell the school anything. If your name is common enough to be the same as the new GF then they probably won't realise. They are no more like to mix you up than other children and parents in the school.
Maybe I'm just a bit more private but I wouldn't want to tell the school my personal business for no reason. Especially if the dad has nothing to do with them and probably not on any of their school systems as your children's parent.

And why are you happy for hundreds of strangers to see your children's picture on dojo but you will go out of your way to make sure he doesn't. Just let it go. Don't get your children excluded from photos and you seeing their progress just to spite him when he doesn't care! And won't even realise you have done it.

Edited

She needs to tell the school that her child is upset so they can support him.

Jifmicroliquid · 03/09/2024 19:01

He has green hair?

Sprookjesbos · 03/09/2024 19:12

Definitely let the school know. It isn't a case of 'letting them know your personal business' - this is a significant development in your children's lives and it would be in their best interests for the adults working with them to know about it. School have a duty of care to look after their wellbeing. I'm a school pastoral staff member myself, and I can assure you we have heard it all before and we would not be interested in it as 'gossip'. We would just want to look after the emotional wellbeing of your children.

What a wanker though, and I'm sorry.

outdamnedspots · 03/09/2024 19:14

Christ, he's a heartless wanker.

Sending you and your dc a big hug.

Lemonadeand · 03/09/2024 19:14

O gosh. That happens in Big Little Lies.

Lemonadeand · 03/09/2024 19:15

ChimneyPot · 03/09/2024 18:37

Did he get a place in the school because he was a sibling? That would really annoy me.

O god, I bet that’s what he’s done 😬

ARichtGoodDram · 03/09/2024 19:22

Definitely let the school know.

Be aware though that if he asks for copies of school reports and the likes the school will be obliged to allow him them given he has PR.

Don't be surprised if there is a sudden burst of interest in your children, in the actual interest of not looking like a complete dickhead to the school staff.
Make sure the school know that your children don't know him, have no relationship with them and he should never be allowed to take them from school (which they can't actually stop, but they can stall enough to give you time to get there).

whatwouldtheydo · 03/09/2024 19:30

Wow! How is he not embarrassed of himself turning up there like that? Everyone will think he is a scumbag, he obviously doesn't care. Its hard because your eldest recognises him and it must be confusing. Perhaps let the school know and maybe they can offer support. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this x

Getonwitit · 03/09/2024 19:45

Gosh, your poor children. At least they have you and will grow up knowing they are loved.

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