Single parent for five years ready to date

[Kbop82]

I've been a single mum to my DD for five years, I kicked my ex out Aug 2019 following several years of putting up with his controlling/coercive behaviour and awful debt, he became financially dependent on me through his complete work shyness. I'm a nurse and had planned a year of getting back to being myself again, sorting my divorce and hopefully having a good time. Before hopefully meeting someone and maybe getting into a relationship. Well.... we all know that COVID appeared in 2020, as well as working on the front line, being quite traumatised by everything that happened in the hospital, My divorce proceedings ground to a halt, luckily my parents were around to provide the support I needed with my DD. In January 2021, my brother collapsed, we broke lock down rules to go check on him and found him unconscious at home. He later died in hospital of an undiagnosed heart condition. This left us all absolutely devastated and benefit.
I took time off work and when I returned struggled with my mental health. Finally leaving the acute trust last year in June 2023. Moving to a home based role. It's only recently I have started to feel like myself again. But the world has moved on and I am terrified of dating. I would love to meet someone, I've lost weight, I go to the gym regularly, my DD is now 10 and also appears a lot more happier in herself. I hate the idea of dating apps, I'm terrified of spending the rest of my life alone. Advice please xx

Also is it normal to be single this long? I feel like some weird woman? Everyone around me has moved on with their lives and I'm just stuck

Of course it’s normal to be single that long and I’m glad you’re feeling better.

However, I would suggest that you are still vulnerable, so if you choose to date, I would keep the relationship separate from your family life. I wouldn’t introduce anyone to your DD.

If however, you are wanting someone to become a part of your family. Please date for at least 1 year before any introductions to kids and personally, I would only date a man who has kids himself.

Not trying to put a downer on you but I wouldn't want you to go through anymore terrible relationships and affect your DD who will be hitting her teens very soon.

I'm single too and single parenting 2 kids, aged 12 & 13. It's completely normal not to be dating. Some do, some don't!

I'm currently considering potentially joining a few sites but I find the whole concept cringey, forced and loaded with expectations 😬

I find it hard to imagine allocating sufficient time to really get to know a stranger - when I'm either working, parenting or running a household !

There's also the issue of a small pool of fish in my age bracket (40's). The good ones are already taken. Those that are available are available for not good reasons, e.g. they are divorced due to being a man child, mean, an addict or goodness knows what else.

Oh well, I haven't given up all hope yet though 😂

Widowed 5 years ago, late 40s, mother to a 7 year old, and I’m so lonely. I feel completely emotionally disregulated.

Maybe I’m being negative, but I feel like I’m in a Catch-22: men my age will be looking for someone younger, and men in their 50s likely won’t want a 7 year old in the mix.

My life feels hard just now - the single child aspect feels harder than the single mum aspect in some ways - but I’m conscious that if I make a bad choice (and I’ve made my share of those), I could just make a hard lot in life even harder.

I have a strong yearning for love, companionship and romance, but I’m through the menopause, it seems, and very little yearning for sex right now (if ever again).

I've been single 15 years, you get used to it. I enjoy my own company and now DD is older I have time to do as I please.

I choose not to date as I don't see the point, I wouldn't move someone into our home until DD is grown so it seems a waste of time and effort but I appreciate not everyone makes that choice

Obviously people do date as single parents but I would be wary of the emotional and financial toll dating takes,particularly if you are vulnerable to MH issues, have you done the Women's Aid programme re abusive men? As well as DD being at a critical age. You think they get more independent as they get older but I found DD needed me in entirely different ways in secondary school.