Potential break up - Custody Concerns

[SummerRobin]

I’m looking for some insights into what my options are with regards custody of a baby and how that might change as he gets older.

I got pregnant early on in a relationship and have been living with the father of the child since he was born. He moved in with me a few weeks before my due date having previously only lived at home with his parents. I had hoped that when the child came he would mature enough to start being more considerate of others but that hasn’t happened. Instead I feel like the mother to a baby and a teenager.

My biggest concern however is the negative impact his behavior will have on our son. As an example, he regularly refers to strangers as stupid f-ing see-you-next-Tuesdays if he’s in a bad mood and calls our 3 month old a moron for dropping his pacifier. I don’t want my child exposed to this type of behavior. How can I prevent it if we split though? Not only will he be a bad influence but the child’s wellbeing will suffer as he can’t even take care of himself.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

No he’s in a steady professional job. Well educated and on a similar salary to myself. He just worships money so chose to never flee the nest. He also had the convenience of an elderly parent waiting on him hand and foot.
You’re right in that the split is inevitable.

Sounds just like my ex, sorry but if he can call your baby a moron it will only get worse as the baby gets older. then the child will have the same attitude and use the same language

This is my fear. I picture a four year old using the same language while I intend raising my son to be empathetic towards people. The problem is that breaking up won’t remove the influence if we have to share custody.

if he’s only three months old he wouldn’t be away from you for long? Is he a good dad or?

Is he on the bc? Babies are expensive will he fight for 50/50? Who's name is the house in? Yours alone? Have you even met his family?

Does he want shared custody? How proactive is he with DC currently? Id be surprised if the man child wants proper accesss. Hell probably get his mum to do his time. If he chooses to fight for it.

I wouldn’t say he’s an intentional bad father. Just emotionally unintelligent and incompetent. He’s only now learning how to take care of himself never mind another human being

My house and yes he’s named on the birth cert. I’ve met his family and his behavior is a consequence of his own father. I don’t want a third generation impacted

Possibly my best hope that he doesn’t want custody

Does he like looking after your child, does he have anyone he can push that work onto instead?

I'd suggest splitting up, getting him to "look after" your child for a few hours at a time (while you get ready to go "on a date"). If he's as useless as he sounds, he will not want to do it again and will want to prevent you from going on a "date" or having time to yourself.

If possible I'd also recommend not requesting CMS for a long while as that can trigger some men to demand 50/50 so they don't have to pay.

My advice is based on my own experiences, not what should happen or what you are legally entitled to. It isn't fair or right, but family courts are dangerous and you'd do well to stay out of them.

Your biggest hope is that he steps up to the plate. There will still be a negative emotional toil if the child doesn't see his father.
My children haven't seen their father for about 4 years, it's still not easy for them.
Some father's find that when they have no choice (as in they have separated) they become a much better parent.