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Lone parents

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Original poster

Not going to be his childminder!!

18 replies

Sunsparkles · 14/08/2024 19:15

I'm trying to word a response to my ex who has stated that he is unable to look after the children on his time next week (broken ankle, in a hard cast) so I will have to have them.

I work, already had the kids last week to cover him and can't have any more time off work.

I already employ grey rock where I can but need to know how to reply to this one...any suggestions welcome please.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 14/08/2024 19:33

I’d be asking him to arrange alternative childcare as it’s HIS days. The reality is though he can say no and there’s nothing you can do to force him to have them, I’m sorry OP it’s rubbish

mondaytosunday · 14/08/2024 19:40

How old are the kids?

Original poster
Sunsparkles · 14/08/2024 19:40

I know, I do understand that as the RP (no court order, but even if there was) he can do what he wants.

But...

I am damned if I'm just going to accept it without a response!

Looking for inspiration on how to word my reply if anyone has similar experience.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunsparkles · 14/08/2024 19:43

mondaytosunday · 14/08/2024 19:40

How old are the kids?

9&6yrs. They don't need hand holding but it's too much to try to do my job with them at home. Well, if I want to keep my job that is! Lol

They are independent enough to be looked after by someone in a half leg cast with crutches though in my opinion.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 14/08/2024 19:44

Tell him you helped him last week and he has had that time to arrange alternative care on his days for the following weeks.

This is his responsibility and he needs to find a solution that isn't you.

Surf2Live · 14/08/2024 19:45

I'd just respond with "this is a you problem, not a me problem" and then drop them off at the appointed time.

If you're sure they'll be fine that is.

But then, I'm petty. So... maybe not the best advice?

Hermanfromguesswho · 14/08/2024 19:49

Can you say ‘I was able to help you out by covering your time last week but I’m afraid I’m unable to help out further. I’ll drop the children at the usual time. Please let me know if you arrange alternative childcare and I can drop them elsewhere instead as needed. Thamks’

Original poster
Sunsparkles · 14/08/2024 19:54

Hermanfromguesswho · 14/08/2024 19:49

Can you say ‘I was able to help you out by covering your time last week but I’m afraid I’m unable to help out further. I’ll drop the children at the usual time. Please let me know if you arrange alternative childcare and I can drop them elsewhere instead as needed. Thamks’

And @TomatoSandwiches

Thanks, these are both similar to what I have drafted already so that's a nice confirmation I'm on the right lines ☺️

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunsparkles · 14/08/2024 19:56

Surf2Live · 14/08/2024 19:45

I'd just respond with "this is a you problem, not a me problem" and then drop them off at the appointed time.

If you're sure they'll be fine that is.

But then, I'm petty. So... maybe not the best advice?

🤣🤣 that statement was my first instinct but my therapist says I need to step out of the game 🤷🤣

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 14/08/2024 19:59

So with my exdh, who isn't a complete arsehole and does actually want a relationship with his dcs (I know some are twats who just wouldn't pick the dc up) but you know your ex best.

Anyway, with mine, as this had been the default when we were together, as I worked part time and him full - so the default childcare was me.

Now we're divorced, I have no intention of picking up his pieces

One time, the first time, he couldn't pick up dd from school when it was his turn, so he would text me. Now this would have been normal when we were together, and I would have done it, but we're not, so I no longer do him favours to keep the peace. Anyway, I was at work, having been asked in mediation by him to work more now, fine.

'I'm not sure why you're texting me Tom. Taxi firms exist. Don't ask me to solve your problems please going forward unless it's an emergency.'

Foxblue · 14/08/2024 19:59

Great responses above - I'd include 'Work won't let me have any more time off' if I was feeling generous.
What an arsehole he is though! Sorry you're having to deal witht his.

Original poster
Sunsparkles · 14/08/2024 20:11

Thanks, my first draft includes the 'i have no more AL to use ' because of the rest of the changes he's already made to the remainder of this year, and I actually do have a massive project deadline looming which I planned in for this couple of weeks because the kids were due to be with him for the majority of it. But I've slimmed down my response now because he will defo come back in anger, so I will use the work response in my final email on the matter.....

I've also included a starter line "Ok, what is your plan for the next two weeks then?". And a statement later on "you have had time to make arrangements, this is no longer something I do for you".

Keep it coming guys, even if I don't use them in this exchange there will definitely be more in future.....jeez, how did I choose my DCs father so badly 😢

OP posts:
cloudjumper · 14/08/2024 20:48

Could he not put the DC in a holiday club if he can't look after them at home?

SprigatitoYouAndIKnow · 14/08/2024 21:11

While it would be tempting to embellish, I would just go with, no I can't help on your contact time as I am at work. Leave him to come up with other options.

Strawfan · 14/08/2024 21:41

He can easily care for a 6 & 9 year old with a cast on, if anything they might be handy to have around! Daft man.

Original poster
Sunsparkles · 14/08/2024 21:50

Strawfan · 14/08/2024 21:41

He can easily care for a 6 & 9 year old with a cast on, if anything they might be handy to have around! Daft man.

This is exactly my thoughts. He apparently can't move around....didn't stop him going away last weekend though did it?!!

And where he lives he can have food delivered, takeaway if needed, and there is a park in walking (for the kids) and mobility scooter (yes he's hired himself a mobility scooter! Lol) for him.....what else do kids need? They can play cards, watch films, do puzzles, kids have tablets....I really am not seeing the issue.

Plus if it was the other way round there is no way in HELL he'd do anything to help me out!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunsparkles · 15/08/2024 11:30

Well, I sent my reply this morning holding firm, and as predicted got a response saying "I've told you the plan" 🤣. No, he told me what he thinks he can't do 🤷

This was quickly followed up by another message telling me that it wasn't me doing him a favour it is for the kids.

Needless to say I will be holding firm, however I am trying to make arrangements to help me out in the background because I'm pretty sure I'll end up with the kids.

Makes me so angry that he can't be held accountable to his responsibility, it's not like this arrangements schedule was agreed at the start of this year, oh wait...🤔🙄

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 15/08/2024 11:42

Op. You have to do your absolute damdest here to not have the dc. Otherwise the precedent will be set. You are working. He is not. He Will emotionally guilt/manipulate you via the kids, but this is not your problem to solve.

If he guilt trips you via the kids, remember it is HIM who is shitting on his kids here, not you.

You are working. He is not.

Drop them off, wait till the door is opened, cheery wave bye.

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