3 year old wanting to be at his Dad’s

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DS is 3 and stays at his Dad’s every other weekend, Friday night to Monday afternoon.

More recently he’s really played up whenever he gets home, yesterday he was hitting me and saying ‘no no no’ over and over again until his Dad finally left after dropping him off. He usually comes around after 5 mins and is fine. However he’s started saying more that he wants to be at Daddy’s, asking why he can’t be there and basically not wanting to be at home with me.

He gets spoilt there, of course. Watches TV constantly, gets full on attention and spoilt by his Dad, new GF and Granny and Grandad who live next door. It’s just been his birthday too so has loads of new toys there.

I know it’s a process but it really hurts when he doesn’t want to be home with me. I get nothing from his Dad, we separated because of his drinking - no money from him, I pay for Nursery 3 days a week, all food, clothes, toys etc. All while working full time (and his dad’s on UC, sidenote)

What can I say to him next time he wants to be at his Dad’s or do I just need to let him express his emotions and ride it out.

You need to ride it out.

Being at his dad's is a novelty as he gets attention from four adults particularly the two grandparents. Grandparents and older people, who like children, are well known for making a fuss of them and giving them lots of attention if they aren't looking after them full-time.

If his dad doesn't work and isn't paying child support why can't he have him instead of you needing to pay for nursery?

Even just for a few months until the novelty wears off.

Multiple reasons: he lives an hour away, I don’t trust him to give our son the support he needs, as he lives far away it would mean having my son less which I don’t want and I think nursery is giving him a great early education and sets him up for school. Which he wouldn’t get with me or his Dad

She says they split because he has a drinking issue. Why would she want her son to be in his care over nursery?

It's very hard for a child to go back and forth, between parents and realistically you don't know if he behaves the same when he arrives at his dads.
Also you need to separate all the other issues as they're irrelevant to the subject.
I'm sure his behaviour is normal for a child moving between parents.

This is so tough and I went through this with mine. He is 15 now. I remember one day he was two or so and just kept saying daddy. I was thinking great! Agh. It’s a phase - just brush it off. I used to ask my son if he wanted to call and also say, don’t worry you’ll see him soon. Moving between houses is a bit disorientating. Cut him some slack when he gets back and is readjusting (although obviously hitting not acceptable). Should all be fine. My DS has gone through phases of saying he wanted to be with dad more over the years/ or be with me and it all passed in time…