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Original poster

Child maintenance. Ex has counter claim as main carer

27 replies

debelost1 · 12/08/2024 20:12

Just seeking advice on how I can prove I'm the main carer for DD as looks like the ex has told the CMS he's now the main carer as we've moved to shared care 50/50

Split up 4 years ago due to domestic violence and non mol against him. He saw DD once a week overnight. Maintenance was claimed and paid on time each month until 12 months ago. As she's got older she's wanted to stay more and agreed she could due to school so it works out 50/50 annually so I sent an updated claim in June to inform them of the shared care and missed payments as he stopped paying and not contributing to anything at all towards her care. I pay dinner money, sporting activities, all clothing and shoes, school trips etc and text to ask for half and he ignored me so I've requested collect and pay.

Today I've received the letter to say payments will stop as he's stated he is the main carer now and I have to prove I am! How does this happen and anyone Else been through this as no court ordered care agreement just mutually agreed the days she stays. Also to be noted I do all holidays with her and not once in 4 years has he taken her away or done activities during hols.

Thanks in advance for any advice given.

OP posts:
BabygirlTom · 12/08/2024 20:16

Maintenance is based on overnight. How many nights a week is she sleeping at each house?

S1lverCandle · 12/08/2024 20:21

Even if it's just 50:50, why would you be entitled to maintenance?

Original poster
debelost1 · 12/08/2024 20:27

It's based on one week 3 nights and the other 4 so is 50/50. I thought Maintenance is still paid at 50/50 as he doesn't pay for anything else. Maybe I'm wrong. I also take her on holiday so extra nights at mine in school holidays

OP posts:
Ladybug6757755 · 12/08/2024 20:28

Do you claim child benefit? You can show this, school registration address, GP registration etc

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 12/08/2024 20:30

Well it’s obvious he plans to recoup the maintenance he paid you in the past.

Original poster
debelost1 · 12/08/2024 20:32

Yes I get the child benefit. Everything is registered here. Take her to all appointments ie dentist opticians.

OP posts:
Original poster
debelost1 · 12/08/2024 20:34

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 12/08/2024 20:30

Well it’s obvious he plans to recoup the maintenance he paid you in the past.

I'd gladly pay maintenance if he made sure she had everything she needed but he doesn't! Won't even contribute towards her clothing or sporting activities.

OP posts:
OnAndOnAndonAgain · 12/08/2024 20:38

Well you may not be entitled to anything now it's 50 50 unless he earns an awful lot more than you, you can show them that you get CB and that everything like dr , school etc are still registered at your address though and you are still classed as main carer/dcs main residence

Original poster
debelost1 · 12/08/2024 20:47

Thanks for the advice. Really appreciate it. Just need him to contribute towards the upkeep of his child even if a small amount so it's equally shared and not just on me as I don't earn loads but want her to have a good life and be happy.

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 12/08/2024 20:48

Pay for everything with same debit card so you have proof of what you've paid for. Every time you pay for something photograph the receipt and send it to him, requesting 50%. Keep a spreadsheet item / cost / your contribution / his contribution.

NothingAGoodCuppaDoesntFix · 15/08/2024 21:25

At 50:50 no maintenance is paid.
But he should supply all that's needed at his and you at yours.

FatherB · 25/08/2024 23:40

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 12/08/2024 20:48

Pay for everything with same debit card so you have proof of what you've paid for. Every time you pay for something photograph the receipt and send it to him, requesting 50%. Keep a spreadsheet item / cost / your contribution / his contribution.

Don't see the point of this as he doesn't have to pay and it's obviously antagonizing and if it ever went to court wouldn't look particularly good.

A polite email listing some of the bigger more important expenses you pay and asking for a contribution towards them might be a better avenue no? Then if he declines you've got a nice email to use to say you requested for school uniform, dance club, football club etc.

Still doesn't mean he has to pay but it doesn't look great if he doesn't and can't explain why not.

MillyMollyMandHey · 26/08/2024 04:05

50/50 but you want him to pay for her while she’s at your house?

Any maintenance at 50/50 will be minimal, and only if there’s a major disparity in income.

As PP said; with 50/50, the idea is that you pay will she’s at yours, and he pays while she’s at his.

Shushquite · 28/08/2024 08:47

Counter claim with cm. Show them proof that he is not the main career. Otherwise, he can also contact child benefit and tell them he is the main career. Proving you didn't dispute this change.

Shinyandnew1 · 28/08/2024 08:50

Just need him to contribute towards the upkeep of his child even if a small amount

If it’s 50/50 shared care, he pays for things when he has her and you pay for things when you do. No maintenance.

Augustisnearlydonesogoodbyesun · 28/08/2024 08:54

Dog our receipts and bank statements to show how you provide financially for your dc. Email copies to the relevant people.. Tooke 10 months to get benefits in my name. I emailed MP...

Original poster
debelost1 · 28/08/2024 23:09

MillyMollyMandHey · 26/08/2024 04:05

50/50 but you want him to pay for her while she’s at your house?

Any maintenance at 50/50 will be minimal, and only if there’s a major disparity in income.

As PP said; with 50/50, the idea is that you pay will she’s at yours, and he pays while she’s at his.

No I wanted him to pay towards everything 50/50 for her as at the moment he doesn't. I don't want him to pay for food at mine but yes the clothes, school dinners, sport activities etc.

Currently I pay for everything for our child and would expect a father to contribute 50/50.

Not screwing him over - he's the one not paying as he knows I won't see her without.

OP posts:
Dragonsandcats · 28/08/2024 23:13

I think if she does clubs in your time then you pay for them and vice versa? School lunches- he should provide her with a packed lunch on his days if he won’t pay for lunches?

Original poster
debelost1 · 28/08/2024 23:13

CMS have sorted it and now he has to pay maintenance as 50/50 shared care has been accepted with them and it's reduced due to the arrangement

But yes I am entitled to maintenance thank goodness as i was struggling to afford everything she needs. He's annoyed but as I said I had previously asked for small contributions or to purchase new shoes etc but not been forthcoming. So at least it seems fair now that he has to contribute

OP posts:
Mum2GirlSs · 28/08/2024 23:30

@debelost1 please be careful - even though they've accepted it now and you are getting maintenance - He can take it to tribunal and if he can prove he has 3 nights one week and 4 nights the next - the tribunal can overrule and rule that no maintenance is payable.

It's happened a lot once it gets to tribunal as cms aren't following their own procedures- and if he finds that out tribunal can overrule the original decision.

FatherB · 30/08/2024 05:42

Yes and if you are receiving extra maintenance due to their mistakes then that will have to be sorted as a back pay eventually. I don't know how they do it, by reducing future payments potentially.

Original poster
debelost1 · 30/08/2024 21:22

I'll be glad of anything until he disputes it or takes it to tribunal as the only thing he has paid for in the last year is the food she eats at his house. Nothing else! I buy EVERYTHING and if I didn't she would go without and I won't ever let that happen and he knows that

OP posts:
csmd871922 · 09/09/2024 09:40

I am worried thats what my ex will do to me. He is pushing hard for 50/50 and has started to pay me the amount according to csm calculator but im worried in the future he will claim he shouldnt be paying anything. We have only recently separated and my solicitor said when you agree to 50/50, this is what they can do.

Bunnytot · 10/09/2024 01:29

Even if the situation is 50/50 overnight stays, if you can prove you are responsible for the majority of day to day care- ie. the primary carer, you can still be entitled child maintenance.
For example, if you are responsible for taking child to doctors, dentist, optician appts, you provide their essentials, you take them to recreational clubs, you arrange and pay for school related things, you are in receipt of child benefit etc.

Meadowfinch · 10/09/2024 01:52

Scan and keep all receipts for school uniform, clothes, shoes, school dinners, school trips etc. then if he takes it to tribunal, you have evidence of your higher expenditure.