How to navigate in laws post split

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So stbxh and I have split in quite upsetting circumstances and he's not to have any contact with ds as stipulated by social services which I fully agree with. This all has caused a big rift in the family on his side and some of the family are angry with my in laws from withholding information re: stbxh and as he's staying with his parents, his nieces and nephews won't be visiting. Not my circus not my monkeys as far as I'm concerned.

My issue is this- previously we'd have seen my mil and fil once a month, maybe twice a month and all got on well but now they're texting me at least once daily and asking to visit twice a week. I'm really struggling to know how to navigate this. On one hand I feel very sorry for them as they feel their family is falling apart, they're very upset at their sons actions and they're probably scared I'll start withholding ds from them (I've explicitly told them I've no intention of doing that and I understand they're my sons extended family at the end of the day and stbxhs choices aren't their fault). But... the constant texts and regular visits are starting to feel too much. Especially as when they visit they talk about things that are very upsetting for me that I don't need to be involved with regarding stbxh. I feel like I'm spending my week anxious about seeing them, then feeling worse after. But I don't want ds to lose out on what was formerly a good gp relationship because of what's happened. I don't know how to tell them to take a massive step back. I've tried being busy and I've tried being vague but confrontation is not my strong point especially because I know they're really fragile right now but equally so am I and I need space and time to process this. They asked me no less than 6 times on the last visit to put them down as named contacts for nursery pick ups (I have no intention of doing this and have no need for it either).

I just don't know how to navigate this in a fair way. I don't want to hurt them and fil is quite domineering at times and could take it badly if I tried to step back. Any advice? I don't feel like I've even had the chance to think about what sort of relationship I want to have with them (or ds to have with them) going forward.

The last time he was over fil kept begging me to send photos of ds (I had sent photos the previous day) and it annoyed me because I've never needed to be asked to do these things I've always made the effort especially since the break up.

Are they passing the photos on to their son?

You need to set boundries

They can come and see their grandchildren on x day at x time for 1 hour. Or whatever suits you

Tell them you find their constant texting too stressful at the moment so please stop as you dont want to block them

They are worried about losing their grandchildren. I understand that.

Be clear. Yoh will not ne putting them as pick ups but to stick to theeor once a month or whatever suits you.

Had a similar situation with my exILS. At the end I cut them off as it was too much and they didn’t have any consideration to how their actions were hurting me.

It is not your responsibility to provide access to his family, particularly given the circumstances. It is very rare that SS requests for contact to stop so you know what he did was very very wrong but, they are still his family so you cannot fully IQtrust them.

In my case, when I finally had enough, it was because SIL had repeatedly tried to arrange for DS to have contact with his dad despite SS recommendations.

Cutting them off was one of the best things I ever did. We are back in contact now but they are more considerate and nice now as they now know my side of the story and, most importantly, they know I can say “no” if they behave badly.

I would specify an evening a week or say a morning/afternoon on the weekend when they can come over, and tell them strictly no more than that. You should also clearly set your boundaries in terms of them talking about Ex - he isn't to be mentioned unless the dc ask about him or something similar. I think the only way to control the anxiety is to set clear and consistent boundaries.

I would explain that you "need space from the situation and you empathise with the concerns over losing contact with the DC but that is not your intention nor who you are. That you need to put the DC first and the visits are just too much for them and you at the moment.

Offer weekly/fortnightly in a way that works for you and the DC.

Thanks all, @Blackberriesandcobwebs they've said they know not to and I've reinforced that but I know ex is suicidal at the moment and living with them so it does worry me if they'd feel it's a kindness in some way. Theres really no guarantee there. He's still their son at the end of the day. So far I've been arranging them to see ds at my house so I'm around although not always in the same room so they have some space because that felt like the best compromise I can offer at the moment but clearly they want more. I'm just really exhausted at the moment and trying to just get into the swing of doing everything by myself while working full time and I just need the space to actually process it all myself I guess.

This is enough. You need to be clear that this is all you can offer right now in these difficult circumstances. And please refrain from messaging you unless its extremely important

And list whatever other boundaries you wish to put in place.

Look after yourself as well as your children. This is tough

I have a good relationship with my ex in laws in spite of a no contact order with my children's father. But the difference is no one has a relationship with him.
Regardless, I only allowed them to see the children when I felt ready and it was safe to do so.
I set boundaries, text it to them and only re started contact once they had agreed to it. It's important not to be led by guilt and to only come from a place of what's best for your child and you.
I would set a day and a time (and time limit) to when they see him. Eg Tuesday between 4-6. Tell them your feeling a lot of pressure from them and atm that's all it is.
This relationship will break down if you don't put rules and boundaries in. You want to start as you mean to carry on. Also tell them this time needs to be spent focussing on the child and needs to remain positive. Any talk about anything else, is not why they are there.
I used to get asked for things I wasn't comfortable with, I would either brush it off or just say no. You need to be leading the contact and need to feel in control of it, not just going along with it because the in laws want it.

Maybe they think theyre helping you out coming over so frequently? A calm chat is in order.

See my post 'aibu to reduce contact with ex mil'

Which is similar.

If you want your child to keep a relationship wit them then set dates and locations eg once a month and then don't respond to them outside of that.

How old is DS? Could the in-laws take him to a park alone?

Or could another adult be with him when they visit so you don't have to see them?