Feel like people are rude to me because I’m a single parent?

[Clumsy12345]

I’m starting to feel like people are rude to me because I’m a single parent. I don’t enjoy being a single parent anyway and feel like I’m looked down on because of it like people wouldn’t be so rude to me if I had a man with me. For example I took my children out to eat yesterday and the kids eat £1 thing and I could clearly hear the table opposite ranting loudly so I could hear about the kids eating for £1 thing. I was the only one with kids so clearly aimed at me and no they weren’t being loud of noisy or whatever we was just eating but I won’t be using anything like that again because it was extremely embarrassing but I can’t help but feel that they wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t on my own with my children if I had a man with me there is no way he would have been ranting so loudly like that. This isn’t the only time it happens all the time even my children are always asking me why people are rude to us so much outside, it happens at least half the time we go out we will have a rude encounter. (Didn’t experience any of this before children or with my ex)

How do they know you are a single parent and your partner isn't at work?

They are just rude and what were they actually ranting about? What's wrong with children eating for a £1, generally there has to be a paying adult and even if doesn't, who begrudge a child a cheap hot meal?

It’s not something I have experienced as a single parent, but maybe it’s because I don’t really notice other people. I have disabled dc (now older teens) so it’s hard work taking them out, people often judge or stare at my DC’s but I ignore it. I’ve only ever had good comments about being a single parent and coping alone.

Fuck them, don't let rude people stop you from doing things like eating out with your children. If they don't like the offer they can choose not to eat there. How would they even know you're a single parent anyway, I'm not but I've been out loads of places with just DD this summer when DH has been working and haven't experienced anything like this. It seems like people are just getting more rude and miserable in general though, just ignore them and carry on living your life.

I’m absolutely certain none of the things that happen to me would happen if I had a man with me. They wouldn’t have made that comment if I wasn’t alone.

I occasionally felt similar when I was out with my three without DH.

That I was seen as an easy target to make comments about - but it wasn't all the time.

If it's not upsetting the kids - ignore - if it is be polite but say something so kids know it's not them - that's what I did.

Odd though now I think about if first place had one kid - no comments - second loads - third location no comment though they were 6-9 then - so maybe it was where we were or kids ages. What it didn't do was stop me doing stuff with the kids.

There is no way they would know you are a single parent though. If you had a husband of ten years he would have been at work on a weekday at lunchtime.

If you are having problems when you go out, you need to think what else is going on, because it is nothing to do with whether you have a partner or not.

Again as I said nothing was ever said when I was with my ex. Nothing else is “going on” do you think I go out looking for trouble? I was sat alone with my children eating a meal. The tablet opposite called the waitress over to loudly rant about “kids eating for £1” because the only meat left was beef and he was annoyed so what else do you think was going on? He then proceeded to rant about it in front of us. As I mentioned I’m pretty sure people know I’m a single parent or at least assume so.

It’s not all the time I would say it’s half the time but the kids have started asking why people are rude to us when we go out.

I'm a lone parent through being widowed and I have often observed a marked shift in attitude towards me when people find out.
From looking down on me to suddenly being respectful - like they'd misjudged me and I'm one of them, not a feckless single mum after all. So I can well believe you have experienced this.

They sound the kind of people that would spout off loudly about "people being on benefits when they could be at work " if you had have had a male with you

There is no way they would know you are a single parent though.

Which is probably why despite being married I felt similar at times - single women with multiple kids out and about did at times seemed to be fair game.

You are very limited in how you can react as priory is the kids which probably doesn't help. Had it happen less when I was near end of my tether - and few times glares and got mutter apologises - so maybe a don't fuck with me glare attitude might help. Though that entire town had an attitude/underlying vibe of mild aggression and huge chips on shoulders so it was nice to get away from that when we moved.

Quite. This ranting man is a wanker. Some people are nice, and some aren't. He obviously hasn't learnt how to behave or think like a decent human being.

I raised my Ds alone from 10 months . We would go to Morrrisons for tea often when it was kids eat free with an adult meal.

i think you are implying a single female thing rather than single parent .

My Ds is 17 - I did experience a couple of things one was Christmas at Alton towers booked meal for 2 ( not Christmas Day ) the waiter said I will wait for others to arrive before I take your orders - looked around .. it was full of families . The other were people who knew I was a Lp who would say . I don’t think I would have the confidence to do that on my own - I didn’t have a choice , I had to do it on my own or just not go .

I think somewhere in their us your feelings - as previously said no one else would know you were single . Some people are just rude because they are

It’s not a single female thing as this thing never happened to me before I had children as mentioned in my post?

It’s not all the time I would say it’s half the time but the kids have started asking why people are rude to us when we go out.

Just tell them sadly some people are rude and unpleasant.

Or try an excuse me is there a problem to the people - I used to hate it when my kids were made to feel they shouldn't be places so often then tackled people - they always back down and looked embarrassed for being called out the expectation is you won't - though I picked the people to spoke back carefully any aggression then no just reassured my kids and moved us on.

So I don't think you are imaging it - and no it shouldn't be a thing but is often is - and may improve as kids age though that could have been us moving area.

This is how I feel. I feel like I’m seen as an “easy target” because I’m a woman out alone with multiple children. It’s like I’m seen as fair game.

But they don't know you're a single parent just because you're out without a man...I have a partner but often take my kids out just me and them.

Whether people know or not makes no difference people make assumptions about others all the time, as I said none of these rude encounters happened when I was with my ex now they seem to be happening regularly

The man was annoyed in general that the meal he wanted wasn't available and he thought it was because it was on the kids menu. He would have ranted and raved whether you were there or not. Perhaps, if your children had ordered a similar meal to what he wanted but had been told no he might have been annoyed with the menu issue related to you / your children but that's nothing to do with being single.

You perceived these things happening as you are unhappy with being a single parent and more sensitive to it. If out and about with your children without other adults to distract you, you are likely just noticing conversation of the general public more often and the general population can be quite batshit.

People do not know you are single. They just don't, these things are not happening because you are a single mum. They may be happening because of the vibe/aura/ non verbal communication you are putting out because you are unhappy with the current situation - that is entirely possible. If you look at the way you presented yourself and your behaviour before becoming single has anything changed, are you smiley, happy and confident? Do you shrink, trying to take up less space, apologise a lot, head down, has your self esteem taken a bash etc.

I have been a single parent for 14 years and the only time I've taken these things to heart is when I was stressed / struggling with single parenthood. Realistically any comments made were not about me just as they aren't about you. When I'm more confident and happy with where I am in life those things don't happen, I mean they do but I'm oblivious to it.

We are easy targets. On paper I am a single mum, living on council estate, on benefits, with a large family.

In reality I am a qualified (and working) teacher, have all of my children working (PT and FT depending on their circumstances), 3 of them either with or working towards degrees, and we are looking into as a family buying a house. I get a small benefit as I have a health condition that sometimes need extra management.

But people love to judge

I get it, I'm definitely treated differently now I'm not a married woman out with the kids. I sometimes feel the need to scream why I'm a fucking single mother and have taken off my wedding ring.. you are judged in fact if go as far as to say it's the female parents who tend to look down on you. Me - you'd get a high fiver sister! Ignore them and keep bossing it. 🙌

I don’t think you will hear anything except you are a single parent ..

This is in your head people are rude all the time ..

You are sensitive to this , you are distracted .

its also a little bit like you notice babies everywhere when you are trying to get pregnant ..

Even my ex commented that none of this stuff happened when he was with me but yeah sure it’s all in my head

Thanks im glad someone gets it

It is absolutely not in your head. I was a single parent for several years and would tell people this naively thinking there was nothing to be ashamed of, in fact it was something I was proud of. But that soon stopped and I kept that information to myself as much as possible, as I realised that nobody - men or other women - respected what you were doing single handedly and in fact immediately categorised you as beneath them in some way.

I would not confront people like this, the best revenge is to smile, laugh and enjoy a wonderful time with your children, ignoring them altogether.