Ex-husband's child maintenance payments coming from his mother's bank account

[Rosie1312]

Hi,

Bit of a strange one...I got my first child maintenance payment from my ex-husband on the 1st, but noticed that the name on the account that sent the payment was his mother's name (first initial and surname). I wasn't able to see the account number and sort code but I remember receiving money from the same account name while we were married so I'm 99% sure it's her, and 100% sure it isn't him making the payment.

I'm not sure what to do about it, if anything. On the one hand I'm just glad to be receiving some contribution after months of nothing, but I'm also not really comfortable with the payments coming from his mother. I've tried phoning the CMS to inform them but ended up on hold for >20mins each time and had to hang up. Is there any way of writing to them instead to inform them of this kind of thing? Has this happened to anyone else? I'm not sure what the CMS could do about it or if they would even see anything wrong with it.

Thanks!

who cares as long as you get the money?

It doesn't matter as long as he pays it he can pay it however he likes.

Unless she's vulnerable & he has access to her finances I don't see what your problem is?

if you like her & think he could be doing it without her knowledge then I'd phone the banks fraud team.

As above.
Relaaaax and be glad the money’s coming in.

Well not if he's robbing his mother.

Can you call his mother to check @Rosie1312

It's their problem, not yours.

The only issue I would have with this is if his Mother was vulnerable, or unaware. Could you ask her?

They might have an arrangement and she wants to know it's being sent if he's been flaky in the past. Do you have contact with her?

How ineffectual, spineless and emotionally stunted does a man have to be that he can father a child, neglect his duty as a parent and get his mum to cover his child maintenance?

What has happened to so many men in this country? They seem incapable of maturing, incapable of shouldering responsibility, incapable of taking pride in raising a family and being a good role model? We should bring back national service - not to train them to fight but to train them to be bloody adults!

If she's paying it on his behalf the most that will happen is that she will give him the money to transfer to you, and he might not do that. So I'd stick with cutting out the middle man if I were you, unless you suspect he's doing it without her willing agreement somehow.

Well if you start making a song and dance about who’s paying his child maintenance then you’ll end up with nothing.

The child maintenance is being paid, it doesn’t matter what bank it’s coming from and who’s paying for it on his behalf.

My ex Mil paid my ex’s half the time . Apparently he didn’t always have the £30 to pay 🙄..

I didn’t sweat it .. more fool her but my Ds got the money

Not your problem. Thats up to them how it's paid. Just accept the money.

Presumably your MIL is embarrassed that her DS is so pitiful and wants to ensure that her DGC is well cared for and that you are both financially ok.

I would ring her and thank her.

I would leave it. Don't contact the mother. Just be glad that you're getting child support.

It is somewhat tawdry that he’s getting his mum to do the admin of the payments (at least; it might also be that she’s funding it completely)

But for as long as you are getting the money from your DC’s paternal family (regardless of who actually makes the transaction) then I’d leave well alone

Don'r prode him or her! Take the money , dear lady ! Offer thanks for such a loving granny

it will also be so you don't have his bank details etc. So no investigation can be done by child maintenance/hmrc

What’s the problem?

You might not like it and it’s understandable that you feel he should be paying it by himself, but you don’t get to dictate the bank account your CMS payment comes from.

I'm taking a different view on this.

If it's not coming from the father then how can it be child maintenance?

A gift from a grandparent is not child maintenance. No guarantee it will continue or requirement for it to do so. If grandparent dies it could be subject to inheritance tax later down the line.

I think you should tell CSA he isn't paying, because he isn't.

Doubt CMS will tell you anything btw.

It's been interesting to see the different points of view on this, thank you.

@turkeymuffin I think you summarised in a nutshell what I'm worried about, so I think I will write to CMS to inform them that the payments aren't coming directly from DD's father, in case it does have legal or tax implications.

My ex-MIL definitely isn't a vulnerable person and isn't someone I feel grateful to or inclined to ring if I can avoid it. She has consistently blamed me for the breakdown of the marriage and hasn't seen DD or asked after her in well over a year.

My ex-husband has been living with his parents since I left him (to escape his abusive and self-destructive behaviour) in Feb 2023 when DD was 6 weeks old. I moved in with my parents, went back to work full time in July last year when DD was 7 months old and have been supporting her financially since. I rely on my mother for childcare.

My ex-husband lost his job at some point in late 2023, I'm not aware of the circumstances (he has been ghosting me since September 2023). He stopped paying child maintenance in December. The CMS informed me recently that he now has an income of roughly £4000 a year and should pay me £30 in child maintenance per month. I imagine the income is from benefits rather than paid work but I'm not sure. One thing that rankles with the payments coming from his mother is that she, and his father, are very high earners, so it feels quite insulting to receive such a pittance directly from her.

But yes, I should just set my grievances aside and be glad DD is getting something from him, albeit indirectly. Things are going to get a bit easier for us financially soon with the 15 free hours childcare coming in.

It's likely he's given the money to his mother, and she transferred it over. If she has received the correct amount due, why rock the boat? If maintenance stops, then contact CMS. Some real bitter women on here trying to cause unnecessary drama.

EX-MIL may realise she has realised a feckless wonder and may be hoping that you don't make the same mistakes with her GC (whom she cares for). I don't think CMS will care how he pays provided he does pay.