Would anybody else be concerned by this?

[BeRealPinkMaker]

My Dd is 4 years old and earlier today was disclosed to me that daddy tickles her in her privates. Along with an action of doing it,
I'll be ringing nspcc for advice tomorrow but I just need some reassurance I am not over reacting here?

To give a bit of background and more information, we aren't together and split when I was pregnant because of emotional abuse lots of gaslighting and eventually he started punching items in my home so I ended it,

My dd went on holiday with him (Friday to Monday) and his family in April and since she came back she started wetting herself regularly and won't go to the toilet unless I take her (this is unusual for her she was potty trained at 2 and has always been fine using the toilet until now)
I've noticed before today that when she comes back from his home she's very distant and withdrawn and takes a full day to go back to herself which I had previously put down to just adjusting from going back and forth (even though she is used to it)

But now after what she has told me today I'm wondering if this is all related. I'm still in shock at the moment and really confused and not sure what to do apart from speak to nspcc tomorrow,

I don't feel like I can ignore this but also am I over reacting in thinking the worst?

Thank you

Nope. You do what's right by your child. But I would also be contacting the police.

Definitely police.

A child so young would not say he is doing those things if he isn't. Definitely trust your gut OP. I'd take it to the police as well. Don't let your daughter anywhere near him.

Call the police and stop all contact immediately. Don't speak to him about it either, just call the police.

Yes police as it sounds very suspicious and they will know what to do. They would probably initiate a child welfare meeting with social services. Please don't allow her to go back there until you have had it checked. You are her protector.

Definitely police OP. I am sorry you and your daughter are going through this. Stay strong.

This sounds very bad. Report it inmediately.

Trust your gut. My DH would never tickle our DD's anywhere near their genitals. Your daughter telling you is her telling you something is happening that she's not ok with.

You must report this to the police. Write down exactly what she said while you still remember it. And definitely stop contact. I'm so sorry you're going through this, I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Thank goodness she told you.

• You are not overreacting. This is serious, as pps have said.
• It is related. Your daughter is feeling unsafe and that's why she acts like this.
• Her reaction is physical because she lacks the words to explain better and process her emotions at this age. That she told you is healthy, and a very good sign about how much she trusts you.
• as a pp has said she's not making this up. The reason we know is simple. She's too young to think of something like this on her own, and she's emotionally affected.
• as well as report it and cut contact, there are three more actions to help her process the very difficult emotions she's had. You should tell your daughter in clear words that her daddy was wrong, that her body is hers and noone is allowed to tickle her there unless she wants them to. Then you must follow through the non-contact, and that, even if the police/nspcc involvement goes nowhere: "oh well, we interviewed him and he said it was an accident so we think it's ok for now". Not ok, he can f* off to some very dark place and not come back until he can respect his daughter, quite possibly never. Third, look if there is some sort of child counselling available, or take her to a doctor who can be trusted with the right attitude.

This is a chilling thing to read! The fact she's told you is great, the wetting would definitely ring alarm bells.. not something you ever want to hear from a child but your right to get the police involved. Shut him down, no contact, trust your gut.

I'm sorry you are going through this.
I would also recommend calling your local Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC) they should be able to give you advice on what to do next and if there is the possibility of recovering any DNA.
Many of them have specialist centres for children who have wonderful people who are very experienced in this.

Police . Do it now and don’t wait. They will want to interview your dd, but they will do this with kindness and a child friendly approach so please do not worry . Sounds like sexual abuse and you can’t leave that as it will destroy your child. Act now with urgency.

Thank you so much for all your replies, it gave me the confidence and reassurance that I wasn't overreacting and now a referral has been made as a potential disclosure, its a scary situation to be in but was reassured ive done the right thing so the professionals can now look into it

They were really kind and understanding and took a lot of information and background

Well done. You've definitely done the right thing. Hope your LO is OK.

Well done OP. Stay strong

My heart sank reading this OP, I'm so sorry for you and your daughter

Definitely doing the right ( and very difficult) thing!!

What mumsnet is for.

Oh, well done. You're doing everything you can for her. Look after yourself as well, this must be incredibly hard for you.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you OP and glad you've sought help. I hope that you can both be safe and have some help to come to terms with this

You are totally doing the right thing. Well done for recognising it.

If it helps at all I know the rhetoric sometimes is that childhood SA affects you your whole life etc. but I was a victim to it and I don't think it has for me. I know everyone is different though. I can recognise it was a shit thing that happened but I think I am an ok well rounded individual! So please don't torture yourself as a parent.

Good luck.