Co-parenting / sperm donation

[CatLady1987]

Hi all

I’m in need of some advice/perspective, please. I’m 35 and mum to a wonderful 5yo. For the past year or so I’ve been aching to be a parent again, watching all my friends in couples having their second babies. It’s tough. I’m single and no real intentions of looking for a relationship. My son comes first and he’s still really young.

However, I have to accept that I’m not getting any younger and time is no longer on my side, if I’m going to be a mum again. I’ve looked into sperm donation and co-parenting as I can’t afford thousands on a fertility clinic. Has anyone done this before? Am I too old to become a mum at 35 (potentially 36/37 or older etc). I want another baby so badly. I try to put it out of my mind, but I’m surrounded by people having babies and finding it tough. I love my son, but I love the idea of giving him a sibling and support as he grows up and vice Versa. Any thoughts or advice greatly welcomed! Thank you.

Hi , I met my current partner when dd1 was 5 , I had two more children brain was feeling the same way as you , in all honesty they are not especially close and having another hold with no support could be very tricky , only one of you if they are both ill for example .

As a single parent to one kid I think this is madness TBH. If you have very low living expenses, lots of money and healthy young family living on the doorstep who would help with childcare then maybe it's not going to be awful but if you don't, I would focus on the child you have. You're young enough that you'll be not even 50 by the time he's an adult and will have your life left to you. Having one child is great in so many ways.

If you can financially afford to have 2, you should follow your heart. I have 2, with a big gap due to sad issues, and they are best friends and a joy to have around. 35 is not old at all.

I know some women who had children with donors that they coparent with. Some of these are very successful (a real joy) and some a total disaster (years of custody battles through the courts in the worst case). If you think about co-parenting then be very careful about the legal status (do it properly) and think about your other child and how that will work.

Women struggle to coparenting with men that they know very well before they split, let alone a complete stranger. Using a clinic is the only way to legally protect the child. Clinics do multiple assessments, health checks, gather 3 generation's of family background, quarantine, test and wash sperm, they also give you implications counselling. Less than 10% of men who try to donate are approved. The ones who aren't are the ones you're looking it.

They have legal rights to your child and the courts see private donation more as a one night stand and will uphold the man's rights snd responsibilities. Lots of men who say they want annual updates for example, push for custody. I know someone who was stalked by their donor, who turned out to have a fetish once she was heavily pregnant. They immediately wanted alone time with her baby girl. It's ruined their lives. The child is too young to say what's happening.

I'd never put a child like that at risk for their childhood, for the sake of £6-7k. Have a fertility MOT and save. There's no price on safety but a few thousand is very little compared to the legal fees and stress you could end up with.

I'm interested from a male perspective. Where does a man go who wants to have a child, and wants to co parent, but doesn't want to enter into a traditional family set up?