Dreading summer holiday

[VilanelleTutu]

It’s a nice problem to have but I can’t seem to summon any enthusiasm for going on holiday next week. Even considering not going (sunk costs fallacy).

I’ve been a lone parent to DS10 since he was 2 and I normally avoid taking holidays as I hate being a lone parent with other nuclear families. Ex husband goes every year with him so he’s not missed out. But I’ve booked one this year as I felt I needed to take one with him before he went to secondary school and I dreaded the thought of having to find things to do at home instead.

Villa with private pool and flights booked. But I’m not looking forward to it. DS is ASD so hard going if he’s anxious and just not easy company. I hate struggling with all the luggage etc at the airport on my own. Not looking forward to eating out etc as my experience is that I get ignored as a lone parent in favour of large families who order more and bring more ££££.

I feel awful when I know so many lone parents are struggling but I’m sobbing at the thought of having to do this. I don’t want to take holidays as a lone parent. I never see any one else on their own. Do we all just avoid it? Or do people just team up with friends / family? I’m so isolated because of DSs ASD - have to remote work and no family.

Would anyone else consider not going?

@VilanelleTutu

I'm in your position too with 2 teens. I have gone on holiday with a friend (also single) for the last few years but now she has a partner and is going with him.

I did do it on my own with them last year. We went on a cruise. My thinking was that it might be better than a laying around the pool holiday with all the nuclear families who absolutely don't acknowledge anyone who isn't the same as them (which I do understand- they are on holiday to have time with their families) but it wasn't. My DD is also ASD and doesn't cope well with changes of scenery. It was ok but I didn't talk to anyone else all week apart from when I did the quiz on my own one night and got chatting to the only other (I think) solo person there.

I don't want you not ti have hope as I still think it's a really good thing for you to do together but just wanted to know I am here for solidarity!

I haven't booked a summer holiday this year as I keep putting it off for the same reasons!

I hope it goes ok!

Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone feeling like this. I think people forget that aside from the financial aspect of lone parenthood, it’s just so ‘othering’. Everyone else seems to have the perfect family, which I know statistically isn’t true but I never come across similar families to ours.

@VilanelleTutu

I don't either! I don't now what the statistics are for divorcing couples exactly and I also wouldn't wish it on anyone either but I live in an area where everyone (bar 1 or 2) is very happily married (even though I know that's probably not true for all couples) but they all go on holidays, have money, get kitchen extensions and I can barely get through each day financially or practically. If I do book a holiday this summer then it's a credit card job but finances aren't the hardest part. It's doing everything on your own, all the decisions, all the discipline, and feeling like you are doing everything alone in life. I get it!

*know!

Probably too late for this year but I know someone who has done something similar to this in the past https://singleparentsonholiday.co.uk/

I never had an issue, loads of single parents with ND children go on holiday, one look at the airport will show u.

You could try speaking to other people to break the ice. Just ask them about themselves, everyone's favourite topic. Where are you from? How old is your DD? Whatever seems appropriate. You might make new friends, if nothing else pass the time. I certainly would go on your holiday, pack lightly, get everything organised. Get a surprise bag for your DS to help with the journey,- puzzle, sweets, little games if appropriate. You've paid, might as well enjoy it.

@Skybluepinky

Yes I'm sure but some empathy for @VilanelleTutu might be useful here.

Thanks, I think this is what I’m looking for.

I talk to lots of people professionally, and am quite good at getting to know people quickly but honestly, I have come across zero other women in similar circumstances.

All the women at work are either married or young professionals without children. I live in an area with several generations of the same family and stand out like a sore thumb, particularly because of DSs issues at school.

I'd recommend SPTC (https://www.facebook.com/sptravelclub), it's a group rather than a company so you use it to meet like-minded single parents and possibly holiday with them. I've done a couple of trips with them in the past, Copenhagen with a couple of other families and also a UK New Years Eve trip.