do i have the right to get another phone, and only use that for contact with ex dh?

[piratecat]

Sounds very petty I know. Yet I was just reading nut's thread, about being hassled by her ex, and a similar one form someone who dreaded switching on her phone.

Thing is i have always been on call for ex dh, the phone on till about 7 each evening. If he rings and I am driving, out, have swithced off my phone, or gone to bed, he gets very pissed off.

NOw I rarely turn my phone off, but you can bet that he rings when it is off or I have been out of signal. I am sick to death of being scared to turn on my phone int he morning, to listen to him peed off. For 3 yrs he has been pretty lame in having contact with dd. God forbid i don't get to the phone too, and iot goes on to answer phone. I just feel tired with having to jump, when he wants.

I feel like getting a phone that he can ring once/twice a week at alloted times. I nkow it sounds pathetic but even tho he's left I just havent got the strength to pander to him, get told off for not calling him back, hear the snidey voice.

I guess i want some sort of contorl of my nerves in my own home. I just wish dd din't exist sometimes, becuase i cannot move on, as i get so upset when he is awful to me.

I have always done my best, but have now given up trying, cos he doesnt try. dd never speaks to him when he calls, and if he calls when she is in bed or whatever, I always tel her he has.

I am scared of him, and the way he still has this ability to make me guilty. I wish to god i had been an arse form the start for all the good its done for dd. Its always my fauly and its getting me down.

Well he will still be able to ring the home phone which for now I am leaving as it is, but if he starts ringing repeatadly like last night then the number will be changed and he won't be having it.

Since it all kicked off last night I haven't contacted him and have no intention of doing so. He normally has the kids on sunday afternoon, so wether he will turn up I don't know.

From now on though he is no longer allowed over my front doorstep.

Pirate, my ds [sorry not dd] was 6 or 7 so a little older but not much.
When I put all the dates and times in a letter as your solicitor advised, he didnt like it and responded by not wanting to visit at all. which says a lot.
I left it and then he came and went for while pissing ds about. As he could no longer get at me he took it out on ds, which was hard as we want to protect them from idiots, Ds used to say he didnt want to go all the time and I pressed him, persuaded him to, under the illusion that what is in the best interest of the child is to allow contact under any circumstances even those which cause distress to the child and to the main carer. When I realised I could not only stand up to ex, but to this fallacy as well, I was truly free; to protect my child and myself. When I told ds he didnt have to go any more it was like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders he relaxed and became a new child. as I was acting as he expected and wanted me to, as a parent taking charge of the situation and taking the responsibility for his fathers happiness off his shoulders.

It's a very good idea, and I agree with the others here.

I went to see a sol, as my ex was ringing up at 1am and pounding on my front door. Told him to ring to speak to dd's on a Tues and Thurs at 6pm. If we were not at home, then tough.

Nowadays, he rings the dd's on their mobiles, he doesn't have my mobile number and only rings the house phone on Tues and Thurs at allocated times. If there's anything to be discussed, we talk via dd's mobiles...not that we have much to say to each other anyway.

Seriously, get another sim on a spare phone and let him get on with it. Don't top it up either, otherwise the temptation to fire off a pissed text reply is too much. And change your landline number...tell him you had it cut off.

sas

my dd stopped wanting to go to his house last oct. I had pressed her into going for 2 yrs. She then didn't get to see her dad for 2months, as he wouldn't come to her, on her terms, so effectively he punished her. He saw her 2 days before xmas, brought his gf's dd9 with him, to my home.

This resulted, altho dd was ok with ex, in dd not wanting to see her dad up till beg of april. She finally said she missed him, after months of syaing she didn't love him. Totally confused she is. He came and saw her, and mesed her around again the following week. So we r back to square one. My dd has been wetting herself daily for two months now.

Did your ds not turn around and say again that he missed him, since thislast time? Howlong has it been now?

pirate,

sorry to hear your dd is so distressed it is so upsetting I know. Have you thought of mentioning this to your gp? IME it is always worth documenting things.
Sorry, i dont want to put any more details up, but lets say my ds is free to see his father when he wants to. He doesn't want to.

It is very hard to try and convince ex that you are only thinking of your dd when you dont make her come, and also that he must be prepared to see her when she does want to, but that is because some people are very emotionally immature and think that everything is about them.

It helped me to see clearly that I would be doing contact for ds's benefit from that point on and not for ex's benefit, and that i wouldnt be bullied by him anymore.

Perhaps if you do something about the phone calls first and gain some relief from his pestering and criticising you, then step by step, your dd may pick up on your feeling stronger generally and you may be able to work towards increased contact.

good luck.

We are going to be seeing a counselor thru the gp at some point, and the wetting, has been documented.

I went to day in fact, and the gp really feels counselling will help her get some coping strategies.

I still ahvent done anything about the phone, but I am pretty sure I will. I treid to ring orange last night but was on hold for ages, so need to try again.

thankyou for sharing your thoughts. My dd misses him very much and yet doesn't once agin want to see him, so she is rather copnfused and it takes up too much of her brain and you can see she is overshadowed by it.

Poor little mite. I do hope you get this sorted out. Good luck

Barnstaple speaks sense I reckon. Do what works for you.
Between us we could surely come up with the bits to assemble a basic phone, don't we all have old cards/batteries/handsets lying about? Phones for Exes appeal , I'll have a look Pirate and see if I have anything still working that you could use - no point spending money if you don't have to.

BTW I work in Barnstaple, Barnstaple, are you a local?

thanks tippy!!

tippy i live in Devon too. I rang orange who said I can in fact change my contract number FREE of charge. I have an old Nokia, so just need to sort a new sim, i think . The Nokia was always a PAYG, so i should be ok??

also guess what!!!!

Me and dd started a wee chart and its going really well. Lots of positivity, around it, and she has had very few accidents. I think the trip to the gp helped. I never had to do one with her when we potty trained, but somehow this has appealed to her sense of understanding and helped with confidence!!!

O2 were giving away a free sim card not so long ago, try them see if it's still available. So long as your nokia isn't locked to a specific network you're all set.

Piratecat I have a T-Mobikle pay-as-you-go sim card which is just sitting in a cupboard unused and you are more than welcome to it if you want it?

Perhaps I could learn to spell That would of course be T-Mobile...

Are you North or South pirate?
I think I may have an old one somewhere, an orange one too if I remember but I'm not sure. I will take a look, that should work in your handset if it used to be Orange too right? Would have been a pay as you go one.

Well done on the wee thing too! I have all those joys to come...

We have caller display on our landline so we can see who is calling..maybe that is worth a try?

i think orange is the best network for aorund here, lots of hills and valleys in South Devon, so signal problems!!!

thanks mandilina for the offer, and tippy too!! I will go and get one, no probs they are quite cheap aren't they.

Caller display, we have gone thru all that i am afraid this is a last ditch attempt to get some control into my abode!

Piratecat!!!

Look here

thanks. Thats great, yet it asks for your number. My old phone doesn't have one as I took my payg number over to my new orange contract phone a couple of yrs back.