Ex claims that cannot parent as I have abused him so much his mental health is ruined….

[Trolloptips]

How do people deal with Co-parenting when the other parent claims you are abusive.

my ex will pop in for an hour/ two hours every couple of weeks. Pays maintenance directly out of his pay check as he refused to contribute anything. I soley raise our children, all appointments, school trips etc plus working.

he makes himself out to be the most doting parent and will say that I am stopping him from seeing the kids, have abused him to the point of not being able to be there for his kids, and tells everyone that I’ve abused him to the point of being mentally unwell. How do people deal with this?

Ignore. Things can't be that bad if he's able to call in to your home for a couple of hours every week! I'd be stopping that too. Make him take the kids out or back to his.

My ex told people I was the abusive one too. His brother, SIL and their 2 DC witnessed loads of his behaviour as they were often at the house and he loved an audience. They believed HIM even though they saw/heard what he said/did. You can't argue/reason with people like that so don't bother.

Why is he popping into your house if you're so abusive?
I'd be stopping that for a start. He doesn't deserve to be in your home. Then just ignore his accusations. He's just trying to put the blame on you for him being a shit parent.

Im in the same position , He was mentally abusive throughout our whole relationship and towards the end Physically abusive.
But He is claiming i abused him! the nerve of these men . and shame on the courts for allowing them to still be abusive through the "justice system"
True narcissists either have to be the hero or the victim in every story.

Ex's say a lot of things. I don't know who he's saying it to but if you block him on your phone and social media, only correspond over a co parenting app and don't let him into your home, you won't hear it.

Ignore him. Block him on all but email.

Get on with raising your dcs without such a pointless self-pitying loser.

Make dcs available to collect for access, at pre-agreed set times in the week. If he doesn't show up, then tough. Do not let him in to your home.

Your dcs are better off without such a man in their life. Children need decent caring, responsible parents.

My friend is going through the same shit just now. He's actually fucked off to the other end of the country because "he can't cope living near her". He was a shit partner and he's a shit dad. She was miserable for years and finally got the courage to leave after countless promises from him that he would change. And of course it's all her fault. She tore their family apart and it's damaged his mental health. His mental health that she's been asking him to see a therapist about for 2 years. He can't look after the kids because his mental health is so bad.

It's all just an excuse because they can't be arsed being a decent parent. He was doing the same, popping in to help out the kids to bed now and again which never actually gave her a break.

Like the others have said, if you're so abusive why would be feel safe coming into your home? If you're stopping him seeing the kids why hasn't he taken you to court? And if his mental health is so bad is he seeing a doctor about it?

Stop him coming into your home and ignore all his stupid comments.

@evrey its honestly shameful isn’t it. It’s such a pity that we just need to come to the conclusion that these men will never be remorseful, or tell the truth or apologetic and just need to get over it.

@cupcaske123 ive only let him in my home because he refuses to take my kids out and they absolutely dote on him. They think the sun shines out of his arse and miss him terribly. I make them dinner together every couple of weeks otherwise my eldest especially who is autistic really struggles. I hate every second of it and genuinely want to scream the entire time he’s here but I’m pleasant

Just an update. I’ve asked him to take a couple of days off in the summer to help with the workload as I work and have the kids full time. He declined as he’s used his holiday from work to go to the south of France for 10 days 😂

Imagine asking him to use his annual leave for his kids. How abusive! 🙄

It's quite clear where his priorities lie. What an ass!

Can you make it clear that this is a temporary arrangement and you want him to start taking the children out? How about going out when he's there or taking a bath and watching a film while he cooks and spends time with them?

My friend is currently living in her mum's house with her 3 kids waiting on a council house. Her ex owns a house, very small mortgage. She found his tax return which stated he made £80k after tax yet he can't afford any maintenance. He's given her £50 here and there. She's struggling to work as he's now moved away and isn't seeing them at all now so she has to pay babysitters which makes working hardly worthwhile. He has however managed to afford to go out drinking every weekend since they split.

You need to give an end date to this arrangement .. give him notice.. He will continue to abuse you whilst the situation continues

As for what he tells people - of course he isn’t going to say he was abusive .. far easier to blame you ..

just roll your eyes if any mutual friends .

Sorry to be blunt but I think this gives the kids the wrong message, that you bend over backwards for someone who can't be arsed. They may grumble for a few weeks but would they really miss him long term? Give them his phone number, he can sort contact.