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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Thats it, i have had enough of the stupid, selfish tosser

49 replies

CrackerOfNuts · 09/04/2008 18:33

I posted the other week about xp being obsesed with me either having met someone else or trying to meet someone.

I mostly ignore him, even though he manages to make a comment about it, from nothing.

Anyway today he brought the kids back, and there was a group pic on the fireplace of me at my friends hen weekend.

He picked it up and started saying 'god she's ugly' and making general unpleaseant comments about the other girls in the pic. Then he said 'well i bet you were the only one to pull then'.

I know I shouldn't have responded but it's really annoying me. I told him to grow up and to stop the constant remarks as it was really pissing me off.

He went ballistic, told me to fuck off, and said thats it i am going, and i really mean that is it completely. I am not sure what he meant by that.
He slammed my living room door, then opened it again and said 'you did didn't you, you went with someone else'

I told him that wether i had or not was non of his damn business and to leave me alone and grow up. He then said '3 days, 3 fucking days you were gone for'.

Not sure what that meant.

I so wish I could have him out of my life forever. I am never going to be free of him, and this is just a taste of whats to come if i do ever meet anyone else.

OP posts:

lulumama · 10/04/2008 12:41

police?

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 10/04/2008 12:43

Would they do anything though ?? I thought they didn't get involved unless there was violence invovled ??

If it were up to me i'd cut off all contact, but the kids want to see him, well the dd's anyway.

I just want him out of my life.

If he is like this now, what will he be like if i do meet someone, or if he thinks I have.

OP posts:

Mamazon · 10/04/2008 12:45

get a non molestation order.
if you type it in to the search facility i have detailed how to go about getting one plenty of times.

it will mean that if he continues to call you over and over again he will be in breach and canbe pulled in front of court.

The number of calls he makes are regarded as harassment which is covered in the non mol.

he does sound as though he is not coping very well with teh split and he needs some help. maybe if he breaches teh order teh court could then intervene and order him into councelling.

Freckle · 10/04/2008 12:45

Contact the police. He can be charged with harassment. I do think you are going to have to go down this route because clearly nothing you say or do is going to get through to him.

I do know of someone who was found guilty of harassment and he'd only texted his ex=gf a couple of times and gone to her house once. It's the effect it has on the victim.

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 10/04/2008 12:46

Thanks, will look at that now.

Thing is though, if they say he can't contact me, what happens wrt him seeing the kids then ??

OP posts:

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 10/04/2008 12:47

Stuoid tosser put in the letter that he was concerned about my health.

Yeah thats why you kept me awake for several hours when you know I am unwell

OP posts:

lulumama · 10/04/2008 12:47

not sure, but i would have thought maybe in a supervised setting? don;t know.. but this cannot continue, for the sake of your health and your security. he has totally overstepped the boundaries.

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 10/04/2008 12:47

I can change my mobile number and perhaps home number, but then if he has the kids and there is an emergency, then he can't contact me.

God i hate him.

OP posts:

Freckle · 10/04/2008 12:55

Ok, you get yourself a cheap PAYG mobile. Give him that number and only have the phone on when he has the children. Change your other numbers and DO NOT give them to him. Only use the cheap mobile to contact him when he is due to have the children. You can turn it off at all other times so that he cannot disturb you when you don't want him to.

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 10/04/2008 12:59

Good idea Freckle.

OP posts:

Freckle · 10/04/2008 13:30

Do also report his behaviour to the police. They can at the very least have a word with him and it may be helpful to have a complaint on record in case things escalate. If there has already been a complaint, the police are more likely to act swiftly.

misdee · 10/04/2008 13:32

i would call police (not 999, local number) and at least get it logged. he sounds like he has lost it a fair bit.

Janos · 10/04/2008 13:34

CrackerofNuts poor you, he sounds very unhinged.

My advice would be to follow through on your threat to contact the police, because he is clearly not taking no for an answer and he ignored your threat probably thinking - she won't do it.

I do feel for you, it's very threatening and unpleasant behaviour.

Freckle · 10/04/2008 13:38

Ask to speak to the domestic violence section at your local police station. His behaviour amounts to domestic abuse and they are more likely to respond positively to your complaint than the front desk.

Freckle · 10/04/2008 13:41

If you report all incidents to the police, you may be able to get a restraining order under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997. This is available to people who are being harassed, threatened, pestered or stalked after a relationship has ended.

Janos · 10/04/2008 13:44

Womens Aid may also be able to help you with this.

This is harrassment, no question and will be taken very seriously by the police.

God..men who do this make me so .

FAWKEOFF · 10/04/2008 13:47

he is total tit head. Just wanted to give you some info on private renting and DSS...from what my landlord has informed me...the local councils are going to be paying the rent straight to the tenants...the tenant then has to make sure the landlord recieves it, this is going to be starting in september....if you could get a little extra saved away or if you could get a budgeting loan to pay for the rent untill the council start to put it into your bank (they can take a couple of weeks to sort payment) then there would be no need to declare that you claim housing benefit. I really agree that you need to inform the police about recent situations because if anything gets more serious then you have previous incidents on record which will go against him if it comes to it

Janos · 10/04/2008 13:49

Also, keep a copy of this thread as evidence of his behaviour.

nervousal · 10/04/2008 13:54

how on earth is this thread evidence of his behaviour??

Janos · 10/04/2008 14:00

Because she's typed a description of what he's done and how it has made her feel, nervousal. So she could ay well this is how he made me feel and this is how I responded at the time.

I'm sure it's a fairly common suggestion in situations where there is stalking/harrassment to keep a record of events in 'diary' format (for example) as a form of evidence.

MuthaHubbard · 10/04/2008 17:01

He his harassing you and as such you should complain to the police.

Keep a diary/record of all the times he's phoned, keep the texts he's sent and any other correspondence.

If he carries on the police will warn him. If he carries on after the warning he will be arrested and charged.

If it was anyone else other than your ex, you wouldn't stand for this behaviour. He is a cock.

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 10/04/2008 17:22

Thanks all

I have kept the txts he sent and the letter, and have managed to find a spare sim card, so will be changing my mobile number.

I know I should contact the police, but I am unsure about this because of the kids and it effecting his relationship with them.

I ned to think about it a bit more i think, and I am in no fit state to do that today, so will sleep on it.

Thankfully i've not heard from him all day.

OP posts:

sparkybabe · 10/04/2008 19:20

Do contact the police - even if they don't (or can't) do anything, the incident will be logged. Then if it escalates, or you decide to press charges, you are one step on the way.

It is bullying and should be taken seriously.

And thye may well just decide to pay him a visit, you never know. It is not reasonable behaviour. They are more likely to be able to make him see that.

kate1956 · 10/04/2008 21:40

I don't know if this helps at all but I went through something very similar with my ex. At one point he would keep ringing and screaming the same thing over and over again - and whatever I said in response made no difference.

Like you I had tried very hard not to make things problematic but then one time he did this and two of my children were at his house and heard him on the phone. i made a decision right then that I didn't have to put up with it anymore and rang the police. I explained that I didn't want to change my number I just wanted him to stop. They were very sympathetic, said they would warn him that it was harassment and that if it continued I would be taking it further. I don't know exactly what was said to him but I've had no problems since and that was four years ago. Wished I'd done it earlier really.

One thing I should say though is that my ex really really likes to keep up appearances and definitely does not want the outside world to know what he is really like (ie violent and abusive!!) so I think that this is why it worked so well - don't know how effective it would be if someone doesn't care but maybe worth a try.

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