A bit of context:
Kids are 9 & 6. Their dad and I separated Jan 2020. He works a fixed 8-week rolling daytime shift pattern so the days he has the kids changes week to week. We agree a calendar based on his shift pattern which is ongoing then tweak each year at a time for school holidays splitting them pretty much 50:50 around his shift. The rest of the time works out roughly 75% with me.
Sounds great....in theory.
The problem (and a bit of a rant!):
Despite agreeing a schedule of childcare, my ex constantly wants to change it/argue against it, always using "it's best for the children" as his reason where in fact it's because it no longer suits him. This has happened at about each 3-6month period since he left....at the start of this year (Jan/Feb) he was threatening to take me to court to get the kids 50:50, I will explain why if asked but it is complex and trying to keep this short. By March he'd met a new gf (the 10th I think and 4th he planned to move in with) and dropped all that nonsense. 1st April the kids met her. In April he was telling me they planned to move in together. In May he told me the calendar needed to change but wouldn't give me any specifics. At the start of this month he said he is moving in with her in August so would be reducing how often he sees the kids because it's 30mins away and too difficult to get them to school. Now it's June and he says he's moving in start of Sept so has withdrawn his time with the children except for 4 weekends (1-2nights depending on shift) every 8 weeks, which means he won't see the kids at all for 4 weeks at a time, then each weekend only for 4 weeks and around it goes. He's also withdrawn his agreement to cover his share of school holidays from sept onwards. Tbf I don't hate this change (apart from having to cancel a holiday I had planned, which ex knew about from Feb, because the kids were going to be with their Dad), it's less disruptive for the kids, although I don't appreciate just being told that's what he's doing and pretending like he's doing it for the kids.
This is what's really frustrating:
Our son has been asked to attend an event in May next year... according to the pattern of childcare the kids will be with their Dad that weekend. He is on the activity messaging group so is aware of the event. I messaged him to ask him to respond because kids are with him and he's now saying next year's calendar isn't agreed and he isn't prepared to discuss it yet so if I want our son to go I will need to make arrangements to take him and pay for it.
WHAT CAN I DO to get him to commit to have the kids the 88 nights he has the option of, or to just say he doesn't want them? How am I supposed to plan anything for the kids or myself if I don't know whether they are with their Dad or not?! I can't withdraw contact, but it's driving me mad being unable to make any plans.