Pregnant at 41

[Trixy83]

Hi all, I need some advice desperately. I'm 41 and have 3 children all by the same dad. We were married. I've recently found out that I'm pregnant. Very early stages. I'm not with the dad of this one. it was a very casual relationship (please don't judge) 🫣 I don't know what to do. I'm not sure I could live with the decision of having a termination, but also I feel so sad for my children and that this will ruin their lives.

Why will it ruin their lives? The thing to consider is if you can afford this baby, and how would you cope if it was born with additional needs. And you’ll have to coparent for the next 18 years.
Don’t panic, take time to think.

Is your other children’s dad involved in their lives? How old are they?

I work Full Time so I'd be entitled to maternity leave. My children are 7, 11 and 12.

Yes my chidlren see their dad every weekend.

Would you be happy with splitting your children up every weekend? Of creating that divide with them? Possible resentment if 3 have an attentive dad and the 4th decides he wants nothing to do with the baby?

In your shoes I would be having an abortion. Your children are at great stress and a few very short years you will have so much more freedom and be able to do whatever you want. A new baby changes that balance and you would be set back a decade.

Instead of thinking about the guilt of having an abortion, can you decide if you even WANT a baby right now? Does the idea of starting again fill you with happiness? Joy? Can you cope being a single mum to 4 that are divided at weekends?

If not, I'd you are even a bit Undure then look into addressing some quick counselling with Marie stopes etc to help you decide.

What do you want to do?
At 41 no way would i want a baby knowing ive already got 3 all at a steady age.
You have to coparent with kids you have now so you would have to coparent with someone else for 18 years if he wants anything to do with the child.
No one can really tell you what to do.
But i know what id be doing.

What if the child had disabilities? Could that work with your existing family?

Couldn't this actually be a really lovely exciting thing?

You might just find that your children are thrilled at the idea of a baby brother or sister. Mine are 12, 7 and 3 and are desperate for the little one to be a big sister. It's not going to happen though as I'll be 50 in a couple of weeks, just after she turns 4. I had a really easy pregnancy (only found out at 24 weeks!) and birth but must admit to not handling the broken nights quite as well as I did for the other 2, it was just lucky the others were at school so i could sleep when the baby did

Hey, I’m a newbie at this…
i literally returned from holiday on Friday with a severe tummy bug. I went to A&E and 5 hours later being told that I am pregnant 🤦🏽‍♀️(after being told I’m pre menopausal with fibroids and cysts)
Now my eldest is 19 and the youngest 14, both have ASD & ADHD.
I have raised both with minimal input from the Dad!
Im also a special needs teacher so I’m constantly looking after children. However, my kids have always asked for a sibling and I said nope…I’m just as stuck!!!
Termination ran on my mind but I don’t think it’s something I can do. Yes, also the possibility of this child having the same, I do feel a little anxious but I know in myself that I will be able to manage and at the end of the day that’s what matters…can you manage and still handle the other 3 kids.
It’s no one else’s decision and I don’t agree with people telling others to have a termination…you decide😊
All the best🤞🏾