This is my first time posting on mumsnet so hope I don't make a mistake. I'm writing this post half to rant and half to seek advice about mine and DS current living situation. My DS has just turned 2.
For some background, I'm 22 and my older brother who I currently live with is in his 40s. I also live with my mother who's in her 60s and isn't the most independent or up to date with the modern world. When I was pregnant with DS, my poor mum's marriage broke down and my "father" in a cruel act kicked her out of our family home. We have owned an apartment for many years which my brother has lived in for over 10 years without paying rent or working in that period. My mum had to move in with him, to the apartment she owns, and shortly after when my relationship with DS dad turned domestically abusive I had to move in with my mum and brother too (with DS, obviously).
This brings us to today. My brother is chronically depressed because he has refused to work for 10 years and is now stuck in the apartment with me, my mother and a 2 year old. It's a small apartment, and he spends mostly all day everyday sitting in the kitchen moping. I can't think of a better word. He does nothing but stare at his phone and complain. He has no partner, no friends that want to be around him anymore and refuses to get a job. He has a different excuse everytime he's questioned. He owes all of his issues to the current housing crisis in Ireland and will essentially refuse to take any accountability or responsibility over his own life. He will get incredibly agitated at times and has "blown up" while driving with my son in the back seat, swerving all over the road and saying "I'd be better if all of you weren't here" I'm walking on eggshells in the apartment and trying to keep my son quiet constantly.
This is having a seriously negative impact on my mental wellbeing and that of my child. My brother collects arcade machine cabinets from the 80s and has 5 full sized cabinets in our kitchen which have been there for years. The apartment is in complete disarray, couches falling apart, no decorations, beds falling apart, no Internet, no TV channels, hardly any kitchen utensils and the kitchen table is covered in random belongings of his.
He feels obligated to give myself and my mum lifts because he drives and we don't, and live quite far from the town. He complains about his life and how he's doing nothing but giving us lifts everywhere, but absolutely refuses to do anything about it.
I think you all get the picture by now, it's just an utterly miserable living situation and I can't escape it, I'm saving to rent somewhere but can't actually afford much of what's on the rental market, meanwhile my brother has lived in this apartment without working or paying rent for 10 years. My mum is besotted by him and "babies" him and cannot see what the rest of the family see in him, so asking her to ask him to leave and find his own place is pointless.
The constant negativity is actually exhausting and makes me feel like I'm going insane sometimes. I just want to get up with my DS and eat breakfast at the table with him. I want to be able to sit in my sitting room and watch TV.
The situation is at breaking point and I'm thinking of doing something really drastic to change it but I don't know what. Please somebody give me some advice on this situation, can I contact womens aid? Probably not because walking on eggshells isn't considered abuse? I just need out of this situation, nobody can understand the impact until you've lived with somebody like this