Why do people...

[ConfusedConfuse]

Try to make out that being a lone parent is no different to having a partner? It's always "well if you had a partner they wouldn't help anyway" "if you had a partner you would still be doing it all anyway" this isn't my experience or the experience of anyone I know. I get why some single parents may feel like they "did it all anyway" in a relationship but I don't think that's really the case and surely people wouldn't have children with someone that did absolutely nothing? They must have done something? Are seriously saying their partner wouldn't help with anything at all? That's really not my experience.

I completely agree ! My ex went off when dd1 was 3 months old . I then was a single parent until I met dp , I found it incredibly difficult and lonely.

It's even things like nipping to the shop saying how you can't just nip to the shops anymore as a single parent then I've had people say that's no different to having a partner because you wouldn't be able to nip to the shops even if you did, I mean really 🙄

One of the things I found hardest was having no one to ask for a second opinion when my daughter was ill . Also trying to cope with a 2 year old , when I was desperately ill with a chest infection.

There is a mixture in here .. There are lots of people in shit relationships- whose partners - mean , more cleaning , cooking, washing- my ex was the same .It is definitely easier than that kind of partner .

however the bit most people in a relationship don’t get is the emotional load, the responsibility for everything , the loneliness and isolation , the someone to tell the good days - your worries , fears , pride .

The someone to share the childcare , sickness , pick up the slack when your ill ..

people in good relationships don’t get it , the not so good have a different load .

people see parents have every other weekend off ( my ex most he ever had was 2 hours a fortnight ) but they don’t realise how much us that recovering - in some cases working .

it’s perception

I slipped a disc last year during the summer holidays I couldn't even walk never mind take care of the children I couldn't cook, barely able to get out of bed I was crying in agony couldn't leave the house they were trapped in for weeks with no one to take them out and people will say it wouldn't have been any different if I had a partner 🤷‍♀️ yes there are people who had abusive exes whatever that doesn't speak for all relationships so you can't say to someone it wouldn't have been any different with a partner not all men are useless maybe wouldn't have been any different for them but most people it would have meant the kids weren't trapped in for weeks I don't believe any man wouldn't have taken their kids out or cooked them dinner during that situation.

And the ones that think they know what it's like because now and again their partner goes away for a week or so...

"But my husband works shifts so I'm basically a single parent".

No. No you're fucking not.

I'm not a single parent...I have a partner but I was enraged to see a woman I know take her kids away on a luxury Caribbean holiday without her rich husband and describing herself as a single mum for the week!

I'm not sure if this is the lone parent/single parent difference but I've never found being a 50/50 parent on my own half as hard as I found being married. Being married was literally like having an extra child full time. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, admin but with the added difficulty that the other "adult" might do something like turn the gas hob on and leave it, or be the last to leave the house and forget to close or lock the door, or after I went to bed he'd snack on whatever I had batch cooked to put on for dinner the next day so I had to replan. It's so much easier now. My DC doesn't actively work against me.

Yeah I'd say that's very different my kids have no contact at all with their father they are with me 24/7

Surely if these partners were involved parents and pulling their weight then many of them would not be exs?

My experience has definitely been easier as a single parent as ex was like having another child to pick up after needy for attention and did less around the house than the work he made for me.

No I'm not referring to single parents I meant in general just people saying if you had a partner it wouldn't be any different for example I had an issue and people said to me it would be no different if you had a partner they still wouldn't help

It may not be your experience but it may be their experience.

Exactly it's their experience so no need to tell me that would be the case for me..... in that case it would be better to say "my ex wouldn't have helped in that situation" rather than "it wouldn't be any different if you had a partner anyway as they wouldn't help" that's your experience but it isn't mine!

Let's not make out it's normal for men to not do any parenting at all