Am I being unresponsible for not wanting my children around the person he cheated with and left for

[Tryingtodoitall87]

Am I being unreadable for not wanting my two children , involved or around the 24yo he cheated and left me for? .
Last year my now ex up and left a 16year relationship we have two children together, he up and said he needed to move forward in life , for months he let me beg him to work on things to do counselling together for our family for us , he said give it time give it space, I'm ashamed to say I allowed him to come and get in my bed for months because i loved him because i really wanted him to come back . 5 months from the break up I fell pregnant, I told him and he went crazy, went on at me for weeks, mentally manipulating me ,pushing for me to end the pregnancy, I did and I regret it and im ashamed i let him mentally get to me . 2 months after I did that I find out he had been in a relationship for 7 months and had still been using me despite beingwith someone, and he pushed for the pregnancy to end so his new girlfriend didn't find out i also find out he had given me a sti . 2 months after finding out about his new relationship he was pushing for my children to be around this person .
I also found out he had been cheating on me with this person for some time and left me for her , he started to put her before the children, promised the children a holiday and didn't take them, he decided to pay for her on holiday instead.he Cuts his time with them too take her out, or to sneak off for other activities with others , and I have also been sent proof his been meeting people off explicit sites and cheating on her and obviously he had been cheating on her with me for months aswell I didn't know about her .
I told him I would not like my children involved with the person he cheated with and left for , I also do not want my children involved with someone he is not faithful to as the children will get to know her and then she walks away when she finds out what his been doing .
And he doesn't take his relationship with her seriously if he has cheated on her from day one .
he has denied, and lied saying his not cheated on her or me and she is the love of his life .
I have everyone in my life telling me to be the bigger person and allow my children to be involved with this person .
Let her play family with my children and happy couple around them .
This past year has mentally broken me . And it hurts more thinking of my children the one thing that means the world to me to be around the person who didn't have a care about what it would do to them playing a part in breaking their home . ( she did know he had a partner and kids at home when she started sleeping with him )
She has not children of her own , she has tantrums, and endless text and calls him in my children's time going on because his giving the children time .
I honestly am trying to not let things bother me and get on with life with my children, but this really has mentally broke me this past year .

You are not unreasonable to feel this way at all.

Sadly, you have to be the grown up right now as your dickhead ex is incapable of being one

You can see she is already insecure which means he will be miserable

You don't get that choice. It's up to him if the children spend time with her.

Leave it and try to create a good happy life for you and your children.

Well obviously he sounds like a complete and utter piece of shit and you have my sympathies for what he's putting you through.

However, as the biological father he will have a legal right to see his children and who he introduces them to while they are with him is very likely to be out of your hands (barring a safeguarding issue).

Do you intend to get any legal advice regarding finances and custody?

You are well shot of him.

Your feelings are completely valid and understandable.

But he gets to decide who the children spend time with when they are with him. You dont get a veto. And don't give him the satisfaction of letting him know this bothers you.

You have my total sympathy! My ex had an affair and we split when dd1 was 3 months old . The ow was so unstable that I said my ex could only see dd with his family. He saw her very rarely , then phoned , threatened court and then we haven’t heard from him for 20 years!

Leave it and try to create a good happy life for you and your children

This is excellent advice, OP. I know you're hurt and angry but resist the temptation to use your children as a weapon to exact revenge on the cheating bastard.

His relationship with this woman may last, it may fall apart...who knows? But in the end the children will benefit from having a good relationship with their father if at all possible.

I won't ever stop him from seeing his children, not unless it was for safeguarding reasons.
I was trying to keep it out of court and having to involve legal action.
He agreed to pay maintenance, but recently I have found out his been taking money off it every time he pays for take away on his days with the children or when his paid for something when one the children have asked for when with him . And his lied about his income to pay less towards the children.
I asked for his timetable so I can have routine for the children and he has now started to tell me last minute when his coming for the children. Tells me one date his having them then lies and says he didn't say that even when I say I have text to prove it . So now I'm look at legal advice to set something in place for consistency .

This his relationship with the children is separate to the relationship with you.

I really feel for you. My friend had to contend with this and it’s so difficult.

All I can say is that they’re very unlikely to be together for any length of time so your argument should be that the kids shouldn’t meet until they’ve been together for far longer, chances of them making that are virtually nil.

And thank god you’re rid of a fuckwit like that.

They been together a year to everyone else but he was sleeping with her for some time before he left to be with her openly.
He puts her before the children over and over .

If it’s less than cms charge you don’t have much choice but to accept .

I set up family calendar . So it’s all on there . I suspect your children sadly will be dropping down continually .

unfortunately you don’t have any control over who your children see on his time .

you could try mediation re contact . At least he might seem more reasonable in front of a third person

I tired to set family calendar and he refused.
Even infont of a school therapy specialist that had asked for a meeting with us both due to my youngest having a break down because of the change and dad leaving and him pushing for them to talk to the girlfriend on the phone. He refused to take accountability, and said the child needs to deal with it.

He refused to take accountability, and said the child needs to deal with it.

what a nob is all I can think of .