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Ex husband asking to meet daughter in secret

5 replies

Duckinghell80 · 24/05/2024 23:50

Hi. I’ll try not to drip feed but this is a story that spans nearly a decade.
I left my ex husband and father to my two children (12f and 16m) I was a victim of DV, he is an alcoholic and takes over the counter drugs frequently. We had a very messy break up where he posted explicit photos of me on social media, slept with my family members, harassed me and any partner I ever had and was very inconsistent with the kids when they were very young causing a lot of trauma to them. (Not collecting them from school so o had to leave work or mum did to pick them up, waking them up during the night to go to the shop to buy alcohol etc) much more detail to that but hopefully you get my drift.
he attempted suicide on a couple of occasions and also fell asleep drunk when my children were with him at a very young age while food was in the oven. As a result of this social services got involved (twice) advised that he shouldn’t see them unless supervised. As a result of this he hasn’t seen them (his choice) for 3.5 years. My daughter (12) has had very bad mental health due to this. Began self harming, very upset and emotional. She’s had counselling from school and it’s taken me a few years to get her in a semi decent place. Son is sitting his GCSEs currently and is quite nonchalant regarding his dad.
police have been involved in the past to keep him away from me
due to his aggression, harassment etc. at my request he was never arrested (just warned)

over this past week the father has contacted my daughter. Tonight he has text her and asked to meet her in secret. She’s asked ‘why a secret’ and he’s said because I don’t think your mum would approve.

shes absolutely devastated and I feel sick to the stomach.

I can’t contact him as he has me blocked.
I don’t know what to do and I don’t know who to speak to. My daughter has been open with me and she’s very emotional and I feel like she’s been set back years.

I don’t know what I want from this.
a hand hold maybe and some advice.

maybe just a chat.

I need to speak to somebody though x

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright3 · 25/05/2024 00:02

Ok at 12 I think you need to let her know it isn’t safe for her to meet in secret .

You need to give enough information to understand - tell her advised by SS.

You need to let her know this isn’t about your relationship with ex but her safety .

I had to explain similar different reasons at her age to my Ds.

WhamBamThankU · 25/05/2024 00:05

Agree, I would tell her it's not safe to meet him in secret and contact SS Monday.

Duckinghell80 · 25/05/2024 00:06

Thank you both for your replies. Im
in bed worried sick. I’ve told her exactly this but I don’t know how to move forward. She’s very emotional and understands that it’s wrong. I don’t know what to do to protect her. X

OP posts:
Duckinghell80 · 25/05/2024 00:08

WhamBamThankU · 25/05/2024 00:05

Agree, I would tell her it's not safe to meet him in secret and contact SS Monday.

SS never had a follow up with me post suicide and falling asleep with food in the oven. I haven’t heard from them in years and I really don’t know where to start x

OP posts:
Duckinghell80 · 25/05/2024 00:21

I’m going away over night tomorrow and while my children are with my dad and I have no concerns of them seeing him I’m absolutely worried sick. I worry so much for my daughters MH and my son just shutting down over him

OP posts:
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