I'm really stressed out. I have and 18 year old son and a seven year old son. I work full time and have my youngest son full time outside of work. His dad became abusive after he was born and isn't allowed contact with us. I have no support from parents, both elderly and happy seeing my children once a month.
My eldest son pays no keep. It was agreed he could help at home, as I'm out 9 hours a day, and save his money for when he goes to university. He got a job when he left school and went to college. Great I thought, on the road to independence. I was really struggling last year with my mental health, completely burnt out because I literally never get a break, and I was quite ill. I had to take time off work and was on medication. This is when things began to turn.
When my son was in college, he worked part time 10 hours a week. He would wash his pots and the odd mess. However, he finished college around the same time I was unwell. He got a job with more hours as he wanted a gap year to travel. It quickly transpired he wanted me to fund this. I said I could help with some bits, but couldn't financially afford to fund it all, due to being a single parent with no maintenance, and being on sick pay.
At this time, he seen me being off as the perfect opportunity to do absolutely nothing at home, and cut his hours, as he couldn't cope working 30 hours a week. He saved no money as agreed and has paid nothing towards living at home. I have had the discussion with him repeatedly regarding paying keep or saving and he never does either. I went back to work and agreed if he takes his brother to school 3 mornings a week, as he only works 14 hours a week at the moment (usually later evening) and picked him up twice, as well as do basic house chores, I would take that as help towards the upkeep.
Every morning I get my youngest up for school, breakfast, dressed, shoes on. Eldest still in bed and has to be woken before I leave. It is a 4 minute walk to the school at the end of our street. All he has to do is encourage him to put on a coat and get his water bottle. Every day I get pulled up on collection for him not having water and a coat. To the point I dread the pick up. I ring every morning and he tells me he's got everything, but this transpires to be lies (he does lie to me and encourages younger son to lie to me too), I am so worn down with it all. It is literally all he has to do.
I can't be at three different places at once as he seems to expect. I work full time in order to provide and keep our home. He has also just had inheritance that should have been mine, but my parents gave to him instead. It has been a struggle with the cost of everything going up and keeping the three of us on one wage. I am at the end of my tether of begging him to do absolutely anything and really concerned how he is going to manage when he goes to university, over 100 miles away, if he doesn't realise his brother needs a coat when it's raining or a drink throughout the day. It feels like the more he is encouraged to be independent, the more he fights against it. The more I ask him to do his washing or clean his mess, the more he resists.
He is wanting me to help support him through uni, as well as buy him things to go with, but if I'm honest, I'm sick of supporting him in any way I can, only to be met with a grunt and total ignorance towards myself and my youngest son. Am I being unreasonable to expect a nearly 19 year old to either pay his way, or help out in order for me to be able for everything? I've come home after being pulled up and embarrassed again today and cried.