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Original poster

Rights on newborn after separation.

20 replies

cushionstar · 24/05/2024 13:48

So had a brief quick relationship which broke down early on into pregnancy.
I am already a parent and So is he.

After separation I am worried that he can go for full custody with once baby older ? He's got the money to go to court and use top lawyers and I have not etc and as I've suffered from anxiety in the past I fear he may try and use this against me. I don't mind visitation or maybe even 50/50 but I'm just worried he may and try and go for full custody.
He works full time and I do not.
I just wondered if there's anything I could do to prevent this or advice I need to get? Thankyou xx

OP posts:
Star59 · 24/05/2024 13:52

Is he on the birth certificate?

HelterSkelter224 · 24/05/2024 13:54

Star59 · 24/05/2024 13:52

Is he on the birth certificate?

If the baby's not born yet, don't put his name on the birth certificate

Mindblownawaybyfog · 24/05/2024 13:55

Your baby needs you. Unless you are a hardened druggie or have alcohol issues he is just a chancer. Make sure dc has your surname. And claim cms. He doesn't need to be on the bc to claim. Your pregnancy is your medical business..

Singleandproud · 24/05/2024 13:56

He won't get full custody unless you have had your child removed. You don't have to give him whatever he wants as long as what you offer is in the best interests of the child and shows progression as she gets older

When DD was a baby the courts wanted short but regular contact, an hour every other day. As she hit two and a half this became 4 hours twice a week slowly building an hour a month until it was 9am-6pm, then on start of nursery after nursery Wednesday 3pm -6pm and Sunday 9am-6pm. They were happy for overnights not to start until she was 4 when it was meant to be Wednesday evening and EOW, but DD never liked sleeping over so he'd bring her back at 6pm Sat and pick her up 9 am Sunday. When DD was old enough to choose he had moved 50 mins away so she preferred to drop Wednesday and do every Saturday at home and every Sunday at his.

Mother's/Father's/Parental birthday spent with relevant parent
DDs birthday and Christmas alternated
Christmas contact was 12 noon Christmas eve - 12 noon boxing day so she could fully enjoy the time wherever she was

WittiestUsernameEver · 24/05/2024 13:57

don't worry - he won't "Go for full custody" - i wouldn't even believe he'll try for any kind of contact tbh.

and even if he did, he won't be awarded it - not matter what he says.

WittiestUsernameEver · 24/05/2024 13:58

and yes, if not yet registered, don't put his name on the BC.

Springlysprung · 24/05/2024 14:00

”full custody” as such doesn’t really exist unless there are MAJOR safeguarding concerns, you’d expect that you’d be for example on CP plan with CSWS looking at care proceedings etc…
Dont do anything your not comfortable with at this stage, no judge would
make a newborn stay overnight- however start with small contact so they get a bond ie an hour a day so
you can relax get a bath etc

Dinoswearunderpants · 24/05/2024 14:01

Hang on why are people saying don't put him on the birth certificate. Why is no one considering what's in the child's best interest?

From the limited amount you've said, you don't particularly sound in the best frame of mind so why should the child be denied access.

My advice would be to have an amicable relationship with the man you decided to have a child with. Worrying about things that have not happened, are pointless.

DracoDormiensNumquamTittilandum · 24/05/2024 14:10

There's absolutely no reason why the court would remove a small baby from their mum and place them full time with their dad unless the mum was abusive or neglectful. Doesn't happen.

Original poster
cushionstar · 24/05/2024 14:30

Thankyou. Baby not born yet but I've brought up another 2 kids alone for over 10 years I hope this would help.

OP posts:
Original poster
cushionstar · 24/05/2024 14:33

No I understand that yes there would be issues if one parent presumably the mother had issues and there were massive safeguarding issues (which there are Not )

OP posts:
SonicTheHodgeheg · 24/05/2024 14:36

He can get on the birth certificate very easily (filling out a form and DNA if you say he’s not the dad) but if you’re not getting along and he’s likely to insist on his choice of names (lots of men like the babies that they don’t see to have their surname), then it will be a lot easier for you to register baby on you own.

misseckleburg · 24/05/2024 14:57

I think it's bonkers that people are saying to not put him on the birth certificate based on this post. There is nothing at all to suggest that this man should not be on the birth certificate. Albeit I accept that we don't know the full story, but we don't know the Dad's side of the story either. To suggest to not put the father on the birth certificate seems like the most awful advice.

Toomanysquishmallows · 24/05/2024 15:06

I can only offer my experience, but my ex and I split when dd1 was 3 months old . Despite her having his surname , which I totally regret , he only saw her roughly every 4 months. Then he stopped seeing her altogether when she was 5 , so you may be worrying for no reason.

Hadalifeonce · 24/05/2024 15:10

I don't think he can go on the birth certificate if he is not present, unless they are married.

TheOneWithUnagi · 24/05/2024 15:16

Hadalifeonce · 24/05/2024 15:10

I don't think he can go on the birth certificate if he is not present, unless they are married.

This is correct. Unless married both parents need to attend to be named.

Ponderingwindow · 24/05/2024 15:19

It’s incredibly rare for a parent to be given no access. Could it happen without justification? Of course. Sometimes the courts get things wrong. But the odds of that are even smaller. So small that there is absolutely no reason for you to worry about it. You might as well worry that a comet is going to hit the earth in the next 24 hours.

Go into this with a mind to a good co-parenting relationship. Babies need their mothers at first so give him frequent access in your home or at a place near your home. Then very slowly work your way up from there.

strawberry2017 · 09/06/2024 20:17

Give baby your surname. Will save a lifetime of issues if you ever want to go on holiday xx

Sashya · 09/06/2024 20:27

You can give the baby your name. But I think it's unfair on the baby for you to not out the father's name on the birth certificate. You two created this life and both of you are parents. Just because your relationship did not work out does not mean you need to try to keep your child away from their father.
I think it's possible your anxiety is playing tricks with you. Unless you have seen him being a difficult co-parent to his existing children - there is no reason to assume that the two of you won't be able to make it work.
And, since you said he is comfortable financially - it is also unfair for you to deprive your child from the support the father can and should provide.

No one will be taking your baby away from you.

strawberry2017 · 15/06/2024 19:33

@Sashya I have to disagree, my friends got 2 teenagers and their dad hasn't been in their life ever. Because she gave them his surname she now has to travel with birth certificates every single time she goes away to prove she's their mother.

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