I am in the process of finalizing my divorce. I have 2 children who live with me full time. Their father has relocated to another country but does spend a lot of time here, unfortunately most of it in my house since he doesn't have a suitable place for the children to spend time with him. The house is mine alone - he doesn't have a claim on it.
It has been nearly 2 years since we separated and I was in a verbally abusive marriage for several years before that. It is a relief to be out of it but increasingly that doesnt seem enough. The children are still young - 11 and 7. I have no other family locally, or elsewhere in the UK. I am an only child myself and no real support outside paid help. I work full-time in a demanding job and rely on an after school nanny for looking after the children till I get home. My evenings are spent with them, cooking and catching up with work after they sleep.
I don't have a life beyond work and the children. The weekends are also mostly about the kids. I have friends - all of whom are couples, who live near me and have kids of the same age / same school. I do spend time with them but feel very left out and also quite wistful, looking at their relationships which seem functional and loving, at least on the surface. So much so that I feel not wanting to spend time with them, only to be reminded what my life could have been.
I am the only one in this group who is on my own.
I am 45 and terribly lonely - I would love to be in some sort of relationship with a man. For companionship, for sex (which i miss so much - i think the last time was about 5 years ago), for just feeling wanted. Not even looking for anything necessarily long term. But I have no way of "putting myself out there". Haven't met anyone suitable through work which is the place I spent most hours outside the house. I am fairly well groomed and presentable, but I don't have any options to actually meet anyone outside work.
And apart from the cost of hiring a babysitter on, say, weekends, I feel too guilty leaving the children to go out then. who would I go out with anyway. I cannot imagine going the OLD route. I did add my profile once to Bumble last year but didn't have anyone remotely interesting get in touch so deleted my profile. I don't have time for hobbies after work except walking sometimes.
How does one either get over feeling so lonely? On the flip side - what are some good ways to find single professional men who are actually looking to spend some time talking / getting to know one, rather than just a one night stand?
Thank you if you have managed to read this far. This is a genuine problem that is plaguing me while I try to soldier on the best I can. I want some sort of a life for myself. I feel I have wasted years