50/50 custody managing money

[Stressedout12]

Split with ex years ago and had majority custody of the kids. Today he asked to have them more nights so he could reduce the amount of maintenance paid (his words not mine) so I did the right thing asked them what they wanted and they want to try it so we will soon be trying a 50/50 split. I was abused financially and have a lot of trauma around money and especially around making sure there is enough to meet the kids needs, because he used to spend the bill/food money and then start on the savings and my money. He’s always paid his maintenance through an informal arrangement no issue but how do we deal with money going forward? I know I could continue to claim maintenance as the primary parent through CMS but I don’t want to. I just want us both to fairly provide for them financially. Should I still ask for a set amount each month and continue to meet all their needs? Do we need to each have a full set of stuff at each house and each only provide for our own time (which seems stupid) what happens with school uniforms, shoes etc, etc. I can’t just get them what they need that will go between houses and ask for half because he is terrible with money and I’ll never get anything from him. They’re teenagers and their stuff is expensive! Im having a trauma response to this situation because i feel like without receiving one set amount each month he will be able to abuse me again and i want it to be fair and for him to provide his fair share for the kids. Hoping to hear suggestions from others doing 50/50 and how they manage.

I think you need to be clear to your teenagers what it means in terms of you providing for them when they are with you and their dad when they are with him. That they are responsible for taking their stuff either to amd from or it stays at yours. They are old enough to get what this means don’t cover for them or him it will either work or it won’t - what you can’t do is financially step in

school Clothes etc and trips I think you ask for 50/50

50/50 with a feckless ex doing it because it reduces maintenance is tough, I'm sorry:(

In answer to your question, no maintenance is payable if it is a complete 50/50 split. He provides clothes, food, transport, subscriptions , childcare, socialising, etc on his time, you on yours.

50/50 split in the UK means no CSM payable- the amount he needs to give you is zero. Also should really get a claim each for child tax credits. Unfortunately he isn't obligated to give you anything- it's why I prefer the system where I live now (Aus) and CSM is based in income- as the higher earner, with 60% custody I still had to pay CSM to ex as it's about comparable standards of living in both houses, not who has more time.

I've just run a calculation on the .gov website and even on a 50/50 split it says ex would have to pay £38 a week for my 2 kids. So I think the best thing would be to look in to it officially.

We do 50/50 and just have enough uniform, clothes for each week at each house. If he wants them 50% then he needs to provide 50% of the clothes