Things are getting on top of me - how can I claw my way out of it? LONG SORRY

[citylover]

Ok I seem to have alot going on at the moment and for the past month or so I have also felt abnormally tired and overwhelmed.

I can feel it's all getting on top of me but don't seem to be able to do anything to make it better.

Thought it was PMT at the weekend making me feel a bit down and tearful but it seems to have continued into the week. One of the TAs was quite nice to me when I dropped my youngest son off late today and I was in tears after leaving her.

Ex H's new p is pregnant and he has now told my two DCs - they have taken it well on the surface but I do have problems with DS1's behaviour at school- constant low level disruption - he is in Yr 6. He is quite a challenge at home too and it's soo wearing.

And DS2 has become anxious to the point we are getting to school late each day as he must use the loo at the last minute (have taken him to GPs for that to check nothing physical but I am convinced it's all emotional)

I work full time and thank god my employer is understanding as I don't feel on top of that either. I sit here in a fog most days.

The man I was seeing last year has come back and although I am very pleased about that and he provides a welcome distraction and he has promised he won't do it again all those feelings of fragility and vulnerability have returned.

He is generally very good with texting/communicating when he says unless there is a good reason but last night for example he didn't text and I have got myself into a lather over it. This is such a waste of time as it will probably all be OK today. And I really don't want to appear like this needy pathetic thing. Although I think he does owe me some reassurance given the history.

I have got issues with my housing - it's OK but long term not sure whether I can afford the rent.

My exH is pretty useless really still his moany negative me me me self. The kids are starting to recognise that. He saw them last night of a couple of hours (came around to watch the football but before long was moaning at the older one. I feel so hurt on their behalf.

The DCs are lovely but soo demanding. They do an activity from 6-7 three days a week plus something on Sunday morning and its' nearly always me who does the taking and picking up and supporting on the sidelines

I think I have just finding the whole single parent thing so gruelling and overwhelming at the moment. Am sure it will get better (everything is cyclical)but how to get over things until it does.

Perhaps things will be better after the Easter hols. They are a logisitical nightmare but will be with one child for part of the hols and also going for a girls weekend.

Thanks just needed to vent really.

PS Just received text from man so just goes to show what a waste of my energy was worrying about it last night!!

Firstly, I hope you have the most fantastic girly weekend. You really deserve it after all you've struggled with.

Secondly, you've got so much going on in one go. To catch a rabbit, you must first untangle the nets The fact that you were in tears when the LA was nice to you gives me the impression that you aren't getting a lot of understanding or nurturing, perhaps, and you need it right now. Of course, xh's relationship with new g/f is going to make it more apparent to you that you are on your own, but be careful not to throw your lot in with your boyfriend too quickly. If you can, considering the recent history between you, try to see him as a welcome diversion rather than the answer to your prayers. I know this sounds cold, but keep an emotional distance. Be glad for the company, but don't adore him for it.

Thanks LW you are always supportive. Your are right too much going on. I have also been ill recently low level stuff cough and laryngitis and also hate the winter months.

Maybe weird but I always find it upsetting if people are especially nice to me. it's like they don't usually permeate my armour. I remember when DS1 was born being so touched because the midwife was so nice to me!!

After reading abt Nutcracker's girly weekend I can't wait for mine.

And don't worry re the boyfriend he knows I won't tolerate him doing it again. I am not particularly unhappy on my own as I do not want a repeat of teh elephant in the room syndrome I had with exH.

In fact anytime exH is in my house now that's how it feels LOL

Message withdrawn

I'm like that - prepared for the crap, but the nice stuff strikes right at the heart. Funny isn't it? Just not used to kindness in this cynical old world, perhaps.
Hope you're feeling better today , CL, and I totally agree with not having xh in the house if you don't want him there. I found that much too hard to cope with. I'm sure you could explain to xh that you find it painful, (even if you mean 'angry enough to stab him'!)Would he be considerate enough to understand your feelings about it? Just one load off your mind, perhaps?
I haven't read about Nutty's girly weekend. Going to wander off and find the post ... which will only make me feel jealous, but second-hand fun will have to do me for the moment .

Thanks for comments. Yes feeling alot better and yesterday felt positively chilled. That's a rare feeling.

I think the Easter holidays where I only have one child at a time (they go to stay at my mums one at a time) and go on the weekend will def help recharge.

I think the stressor is the relentless routine, not getting home each night until 6.30pm. or later if its training.

I don't think ex H would believe me if I told him it was too painful - pain in the arse yes but he knows I have no feelings in that way for him.

Saw my man last night we had a lovely time so that was positive.

Thanks again.