Should absent parent actually be there when dd visits?

[noche]

Does anyone know about this? DD just returned from o/night stay at her dad's and he wasn't even there so DD spent evening with his GF and her parents-they took her out. She was really upset she didn't get to be with him. I don't see the point in DD being away from me to spend the night with neither her mum or dad especially as GF won't speak to me.
Would you say something? I know it's up to him when she is with him, but to not even be there...is he allowed to do that??

Yes I would say something.
Lets face it, if his girlfriend asked you if she could have your dd overnight, on her own, you probably wouldnt say yes - you let him have her, with the agreement that hes there, otherwise theres no point in her going.

How shall I say it? Sorry if I sound a wimp but he is prone to fits of temper especially when being criticised! Has previously promised NOT to leave dd with GF but promise means nothing to him. He will probably say DD is lying and that he was there.

Is he actually safe to have her on his own?

Safe? Yes I guess so....not reliable, a compulsive liar, selfish, etc etc
I might ring my solicitor just to see what she says. We are divorced and contact agreed via the courts but he has lied to them before and will do it again. Trouble is he's able to present himself as a fine upstanding pilar of the community (a deputy head) but takes little notice of the law...I don't mean he's a criminal , but he says one thing and does another.

Not good enough, IMHO.

Can I actually stop him doing this though? My understanding is that while she is with him he can basically do as he likes cos he is her dad?

Have just emailed him about it-got the jitters now as he will go mad at me. I have tried my hardest to state facts and I have not ranted but he will still be unpleasant-he doesn't like it when I stand up to him.
I need to also explain to him that it is not acceptable for DD to be with someone without me knowing, when I have no way of contacting GF (even if I did know)or her me. This can't be right! I can't stop GF taking DD out but surely I have a right to know if she is with GF and not her dad?

You might not like it but it's up to your ex what arrangements he makes for your DD on his parenting time.
DP's ex palms their DD off on whoever, she does this regularly as it suits during her parenting time, my DP has had to accept what she does on her parenting time is her business.

The important thing is to make him realisethat your daughter was upset at not spending time with him-not that you are annoyed, because fankly, he evidently won't care about that.

However, if he cares about her enough to want access etc, then he should be keen to make sure that she is happy during 'his' time.

Stupid fool.

How long has he been with this girlfriend? Please do not be afraid. If you are in the right, you have nothing to be afraid of. You may not be able to control his parenting time, but you are as entitled as the next person to have your say about your daughter's welfare. Infact, more so than anybody, now I think about it.

I ask how long they've been together because somewhere else on this board somebody said that (if it is less than six months) you ARE allowed to object to her presence at xh's parenting times, let alone that she has them entirely alone.