DD dropped off like an Amazon parcel!

[Giraffesandyellowroses]

I don’t know the best way forward. I’m hoping someone more experienced at co- parenting might be able to help.

Ex has dd for a 24 hour period every weekend. He has said that he is happy with this arrangement.

DD and I are living with my parents at the moment.

He never rings the doorbell just messages saying “outside” and just hands her over to me. Never any chat but no information about what she has eaten / when she’s slept (she’s just over 1)

Tonight my dad came out. My dad was very very friendly (they haven’t seen each other for months) trying to chat about football, called him mate etc. But ex couldn’t get away fast enough- I honestly thought he was going to run over the dog (who had run out of the open door) DD was crying. It was an insane, chaotic few minutes.

I truly feel that a more gentle handover would be much better for DD. If he came in for 5 mins/ let her get settled and then left.

Firstly- is that unreasonable?
And if it isn’t- am I better to try to talk to him about it or just persevere with asking my parents to go out/ chat/ likely get rebuffed and hope time will do it’s thing?

Thanks for reading ❤️

I'd say expecting him to come in is crossing a boundary, but there should ideally be a polite hello and any relevant information about DD (including food, nappy, sleep) should be passed on.

I think that he should be polite and pass on important info before leaving. Coming inside etc is not necessary imo.

Can he text the basics before he gets in car to drop off

Lots would prefer their exes just dropped and went

That would improve things massively here

Does the baby not mind being away from you for 24 hrs?

Yes that would be better for dd but he doesn’t sound like a man who would give a shit about that. What a shame for that little girl. It’s lovely that she has extended family around her though. Hopefully that balances out some of his oddness.

Thanks for all your advice ❤️

I spoke to him this evening.

He has agreed to send a text with food/ nappy/ sleep.

Thank you everyone!

He is now refusing to come near the house at all 😲
handover has to happen in a park 💔

My ex hides behind a bush while DD rings the doorbell so that he doesn't have to see or speak to me.

He needs to grow up, he's got years of these hand overs to come. Why should you be put out having to go to park and it would soon move to being asked to drop off & collect from his place.
If he'd had a hostile reception could understand, but sounds like everyone is doing their best to be friendly and not treat him differently.

He needs to grow up and do what’s best for his daughter, whatever his own personal feelings are on the matter. Behave like an adult.

I don’t know if I’d agree to a park. She’s a baby/toddler, not drugs you’re smuggling. ‘I think being dropped directly home is a much less disruptive plan.’ Does he pick up too?

A park seems ridiculous! But I do think it's understandable that ex wasn't up for a friendly chat with your dad. He might find that a bit awkward.

Agreed

But op you may have made him feel uncomfortable now.

These things will settle down. Info in a text and a swift handover is fine.

What?! Well that's crazy! I wouldn't allow him to have her, if he won't return her to my house! What a loon! Is it his insecure girlfriend doing this by any chance?

Think yourself lucky he doesn't come in and declare he needs a dump like mine does.

The first time my EXDP came to pick up the DC when I was living with my parents after our breakup, he tried this crap.

Instead of ringing the doorbell, he was ringing my phone. I can't remember how many times it rang, but I didn't pick up. Eventually he came to the door and collected DC, and does that every time now. We moved house when I bought a new place, and he collects and drops off at the door appropriately. I don't allow him in my house.

It's so rude to be summoning you with texts, dropping DC and speeding away, I wouldn't stand for it. Establish your boundaries properly; it doesn't have to all chit chat and roses, but he does need to treat you all with some respect.

He is obviously distancing himself. I'd say possibly to avoid bring hurt. It's difficult to maintain a nicey nicey relationship after a bitter break up.