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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Why won't he believe that I don't ever want him back ?

21 replies

CrackerOfNuts · 02/04/2008 15:33

Xp is driving me up the bloody wall, by refusing to accept that we are over, he is constantly trying to worm his way back in and I hate it, it's like he thinks I don't know my own mind.

A few examples, the day before I went away to Spain he had the kids for a couple of hours and when he brought them back, he said have a nice time, be careful etc and then tried to kiss me, I backed off and hit my head on the kitchen cupboard. He moaned saying he was only trying to be nice. I said once again that I don't want him hugging or kissing me, full stop, for anything.

Then whilst I was away he text me at 4am saying that he loved me, won't ever stop loving me and that no one will ever love me like he did etc etc. I ignored it, didn't reply. When I got back he mentioned it and I said again that there is no chance what so ever of em ever getting back with him at all, and the only reason I still had anything to do with him is because we have 3 kids together. He said yeah ok, but looked at me like I was kidding myself.

He keeps inviting me to tea and today when i dropped the kids off at his, I had a vase with me that i'd just brought, and he said 'oh i nearly got you some flowers today'

ARGH I don't want fucking flowers from him, I want him to leave me the hell alone.

He is obssessed with the fact that I might have met someone else, and I have told that it is none of his damn business, but he comments on it all the time. I had a skirt and boots on the other day, and it just so happened that a bloke was coming to mine to give me a quote for carpet, so xp said 'ohh got a skirt on cos theres a bloke coming round i see'.

If i ever do meet someone else i just know he is going to make my life hell.

OP posts:

meanmutha · 02/04/2008 15:51

You may be 'lucky' he might meet someone else and stop hassling. Especially if you are completely cold with him and don't respond to him at all. (Like with terrible 2 tantrums!!) It worked for me! Although my ex was already seeing someone else while pretending to me he really wanted to get back...

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 02/04/2008 15:53

Oh i'd love it if he met someone else, but he keeps saying he talks like he isn't even single. Only the other day he said a mutual friend of ours had said something about him being being able to chat people up now, and his response, was 'no i'm not that sort of bloke, i don't mess about, i have never cheated on anyone'.

He obviously sees it as that until I meet anyone else then I am still his.

OP posts:

hecate · 02/04/2008 15:56

Have you tried only talking to him about the children. Not having any other conversation with him? Not replying to him in any way? I mean silence! Or if he says something like "You look nice" reply with "How did the children behave for you?" "I nearly got you some flowers." "Will you be able to go to X's school play on Thursday?"
Unless it is related to the children - he didn't speak.

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 02/04/2008 16:04

I do do that mostly. Infact most of the time I sound pretty offish with him, because if i am nice to him he will try and stand there and chat to me all day.

I just wish he'd piss off.

It so annoys me how he thinks he has the right to buy me anything.

OP posts:

meanmutha · 02/04/2008 16:05

Yes! This will work! It's hard and it sounds like he'll be fairly persistant but don't give him the kind of attention he wants!
Unless you really want him back...

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 02/04/2008 16:06

Good god no

OP posts:

meanmutha · 02/04/2008 16:07

Thats a no then..!
You might have to be brutally honest with him and put a limit on amount of time you spend talking (about children!)

tiredemma · 02/04/2008 16:08

I think that Nutty would rather stick pins into her own eyes than co-habit with her XP.

Short of ignoring him Emma I think its just something that you will have to put up with.

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 02/04/2008 16:08

Yeah, will just have to carry on as I am then and hope he gets it into his thick head soon.

Bloody men.

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Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 02/04/2008 16:09

ROFL emma, and the rest

OP posts:

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 02/04/2008 16:10

I think he thinks that cos I currently have some heatlh problems, that I will just give up and give in.

OP posts:

FAWKEOFF · 02/04/2008 16:11

god what a shitter for you.... i have a suggestion

"Look ex dickhead....because of you i no longer want to be with any man in the world...you have turned me into a raving rug muncher....now FUCK OFF"

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 02/04/2008 16:16

LMAO, nearly choked on my chewing gum there.

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FAWKEOFF · 02/04/2008 16:19

well if he cant take the hint you need to be ruthless...cant say fairer than that x

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 02/04/2008 19:16

Well he just dropped the kids off. Came in and sat on sofa, so i deliberatly didn't speak to him at all, as i didn't want him staying.

He then said 'how have you been today', so i said 'fine'.

Me not launching into conversation with him was obviously to much for him to bear, as he got up, mumbled something about me not even being bothered to speak to him, and walked out, slamming the door behind him.

OP posts:

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 02/04/2008 19:31

And according to Dd2 he was in a bad mood whilst they were at his because i had refused his invite to stay for tea and so he had too much food and it got wasted.

He is so unbelievable.

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littlewoman · 03/04/2008 01:30

Does it make you feel guilty if you aren't at least polite to him? He may know this about your peronality, and expect to eventually worm his way back in if you really have trouble being rude to people. They always know which buttons to push.

Freckle · 03/04/2008 07:06

Well, he managed to persuade you once before so he's convinced himself that it's only a matter of time before you give in.

Perhaps you need to be more ruthless, like refusing to let him over the doorstep so that he can sit on your sofa. Make sure that the only contact you have is at the door, when he drops off the children or you do. Don't go into his flat and don't let him into your house. Limit all conversations to matters concerning the children only. Eventually he will have to accept the situation, but maybe at the moment he thinks you might change your mind simply because you are being too nice (by his standards perhaps).

Tippychick · 03/04/2008 09:03

Have a similar problem so no advice, just sympathy. Just keep thinking feck-off and giving off those vibes I guess.

And littlewoman is so right, he'll know your weak spots and play on them.

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 03/04/2008 10:09

But that was after 6 mths Freckle, it's been 18mths now (or more) since then, but I know what you mean.

He has got worse since he moved round here.

I do struggle to not be polite yes and i think he does know that, so he is probably playing on that.

I don't feel like I can only keep him stood on the doorstep as the kids would then think this mean of me and it would cause an atmosphere, which isn't fair on them.

I think i'll just have to continue with the really standoffishness approach and ignore him s much as poss.

OP posts:

Freckle · 03/04/2008 15:47

He's never shown himself to be sensible or sensitive in that area, Nutty. He's probably just hanging on to the hope that, if he perseveres for long enough, you'll cave.

Any chance of you moving further away??

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