Advice please, make or break time! Long post, boredom warning.....

[Tippychick]

I split up with XP last October, in practice it was about 6 months before that (he was working away). We were together for 10 years and have an 18mo daughter.

I now need to make some decisions that have a ring of finality about them and it's left me wondering if I am being hasty or selfish. I don't love him anymore but I don't hate him either. We were together for a long time and I'm still fond of him I guess. We split at mostly my instigation as we were arguing madly for a long time about his unreliability with money and work, his not helping with DD and other issues (him messing about on internet dating sites and similar).

Since we spit up he moved with his work up North and we've only seen him once since Christmas. He has paid his maintainence but not usually on time or without a reminder and is showing no signs of having changed any of the habits that I couldn't cope with. He is still not reliable, lies a lot and is no steadier work-wise.

I have to make a decision about moving as I can't afford my house alone (housing benefit have capped the rent) and this will mean rehoming my pets. If I move it will have to be into a one bedroom flat.If we were back together I wouldn't have to move or give away the pets.This isn't the reason for thinking this btw, it's just an example of how I feel it's a no-going-back sort of time.

So my question is, how would I know if it was worth giving the relationship another try? Is it worth it when I don't love him and he doesn't seem to have changed? Am I always going to feel guilty for not having tried everything at giving DD a "normal" family or is it better to leave things as they are while she is too young to be really aware of a split?

I've made a lot of crappy decisions in my life and I'm trying not to make any more. Advice please on how you know if you should try again?

I personally think that it would be a really bad idea to get back with him. Much better for your daughter to have a happy Mum, than an unhappy "normal" family. Besides, single parent families are not really abnormal anymore.
It sounds like you and, later on, your daughter would just grow to resent his unreliability.

I know it can make you feel really guilty instigating a split like this. I had to ask my ExP to leave and I still feel bad a year later. But he was treating me really badly and I didn't want our children to think this was acceptable.

how would I know if it was worth giving the relationship another try?
If you were happy to be doing it, it would be worth giving it another try. If not, I'd say not.
Agree with MM, there is a lot of guilt involved with this kind of decision, bu it doesn't mean it was a wrong or a bad one.

Thank you all. I think I waffled on too much, the gist of the thing is that I feel guilty for not having a "real" reason for breaking us up. A "real" reason like violence or adultery would be a no-brainer.

I guess my reasons are real and he caused the break up as much as me by his crapness. I'm just doomed to doubt my own decisions and feel guilty for ever more I spose.

And I know SP families are not abnormal, it was for want of a better word. I know in my heart I'd rather be single and happy but sometimes it would be so easy just to go back to the way it was, just to have someone else to rely on. But then I never coud rely on him, that was the problem.

Blah, I'm babbling now. Off to drink Horlics in a quiet room

Only Horlicks? You're a better man than I, Gungadin

IF a man is lazy, selfish and unreliable, that is a perfectly valid reason for not wanting to live with him or cook and clean for him or allow him to have sex with you when he feels so inclined. Why on earth would you want him back when he can't be relied on to contribute financially, let alone to pull his weight around the house or as a parent.
By all means try to keep on civil, amiable terms with him and let him see his DD, but there is no reason why you should have to service him in any way just to have a Man in your Life. Men are not compulsory, and only worth bothering with if you find a worthwhile one.