arrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhh I hate him so much

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well after a week of no crying at all I thought I was getting better. My exp came round last afternoon after school to spend time with his dd and do routine stuff - cook her dinner,reading etc I got back at 6.40 ( i told him between 6.30-7pm) and put her spellings onto her computer game at which point he chucked her reading book accross lounge in front of her then later had a go at me for involving a solicitor - despite he hasnt yet confirmed how much he'll pay me and for how long) then today he says he has a flat to move into in a weeks time and is demanding he starts having her every other sat 10am - sun 10am - I think bloody not! - my dd has night terrors every time she has spent time with him, she is fighting the boys in the playground and split their lips last week( school thinks shes taking her anger out on boys.....) and wont go to sleep in her bed anymore and indeed I have to go to bed every night with her at 8pm and wait for her to drop off before I can do anything so yes shes really ready to start spending overnights with the tosser - thats not considering the fact that in the whole of her 7yrs when we were together he couldnt spend more than an hr in her company alone and NEVER EVER spent time with her during the week. He is an absolute tosser - Oh yes - its his birthday a week on Monday and as she wont see him till after I bought a nice card from her for him which she spent an hr decorating on sunday writing a lovely message - and left it for him with his train ticket refund and car insurance docs - he took them and left the card behind - luckily I found it before she did and have hidden it. Can you imagine how gutted she would be to know her darling doting arsewipe of a father couldnt even be bothered to take it with him. He also thinks hes gonna be seeing her before his birthday now - to be frank I couldnt be happier if I had a couple of bobbies at the door informing me of his untimely demise. If only I were so lucky. Anyway fwd his arsey e mail to solicitor she can draft him a letter to him - Im far too bloody angry at the moment - Hence Ive had a seriously awfull day even cried again a lot too thought id be done with all that. Sorry everyone for going on just had to let off some steam

i know how you feel, but for me its a bit easier as dd is only 3 but i get the screaming nightmares and the crying at bedtime when he cant kiss her nun night, and last week she said 'you don't love me mummy because you won't let me see my daddy!' because its all my fault obviously!

i sympathise with you, and feel free to moan on as much as you like, it must be much harder with an older child!

MM I dont know its not easy at any age I think either way I doubt my blood pressure today is anywhere near normal - I just honestly wish he were dead that way Id have the mortgage paid off and even better wouldnt have to deal pleasantly with him for my dd's sake - I do strongly beieve though that in yrs to come she will see what a tosser he is ( thats if he can actually be bothered maintaining contact with her at all)

Sounds like a pretty bad situation. I really feel for you and your poor DD. At what age would the courts consider her feelings in how often she sees him? Does she want to stay with him overnight?

Might be worth speaking to health visitor/GP/school nurse about helping her deal with her emotions, bless her.

My DD has only had one night terror and it was very upsetting for both of us so I can't imagine what it must be like for you both on a regular basis.

Stand your ground and don't even give him an inch, make sure everything is done through your solicitor. x

T4G, I recognise the anger you feel with your xp. I absolutely hated mine, and his being an arse is just a reaction to your rejection of him as a partner -even if he WANTED the split (I don't know) he will still be fucked off that you don't treat him as God now.
Thing is, your emotions are all over the place, so you can feel generous towards them one day, then do everything you can to block them the next. No solutions, except when you're going through hell, keep going. It aint no place for a holiday.

Yes I know - I have been extremely angry aand then recently I calmes down - he walked out after 13 yrs without saying a word - in fact he told me he had enough via an e mail sent to work - so I do feel pretty angry - there wasnt any hint whatsoever before it either (we'd just been on holiday & made a will even). That said my solicitor has his mail - Ive asked her to reply to him rather than me as I know I will end up saying something that could be used against me in the future if I did. DD & I are actually going away on hiliday on saturday (booked before the plit anyway) so Im trying to unpack my worries and anger from the suitcase to ensure I just have room to have a bloody good time whilst Im there and bring back a great big suitcase full of happy memories.

I do find it amazing that how Im feeling right now is so llike may others have been on her - thats why I sue this site its great for support and reassurance that what Im goingthrough and my reactions to it are actually perfectly normal and I also get valuable advice on here too so thanks everyone - still seething angry mind - . I justh ate the fact that dd has to go through this as well and it i affecting her in ways that arent easily visible to him and so he wont acknowlede them and is even trying to make matters worse. Its hard to ask dd if she wants to spend an overnight with him as she knows she doesnt want to hurt me and of course isnt aware of all the night terrors properly she is having - I play them down for her sake in the mornings but am there to calm and reassure in the night. ( Im not getting much sleep either but I know thats understandable and time is the only healer on so many scores on that.) Just wish I could fast fwd my life 2 yrs when all this shit is sorted

Just wanted to say hello really, I know exactly how you feel. Have spent the last year going through a hidieous split with my H. It is such a rollar coaster of emotions isnt it. Just keep writing on here! It honestly got me through the toughest times!

Stick to your guns. Like others have said, go through your solicitor if you have to. My solicitor said to me,(when H was being an arse about contact), you are the main carer now and what you say goes. So long as you put your dds interests first, which you are obviously doing, you cant go wrong. It is a very stressful time for you all, and your dd needs time to adjust to what has happened. She needs to get used to regular contact in the day first, I would think.

When did he leave? (sorry if i missed it)

Be strong. xx

Milly he left at the begining of March - he told me in an e mail at work that he wasnt happy within 48hrs he was gone. Yes it is a roller coaster of emotions justwhen I think Im Ok he tries to pull this stunt. DD has no awareness of it as I'm hiding a lot of it from her as at 7 she is a bright cookie she knows whats going on but doesnt necessarily understand it like we do - she thinks he'll be coming home soon or that we are staying where we are without any worries at all to her life goes on just daddy isnt in the house (which to be honest when he was he never did a thing with him I think thats why she doesnt really moan about him not being here she just looks fwd to seeing him as she knows she will get anything she wants and more something he never did)