Absent father

[Robin1244]

Hi I’m new to this so not sure if topic is suited. Hoping to get opinions on absent dads and if they ever appear. Basically I had been seeing my daughters near 2 years fell pregnant (unplanned yes I was using contraception) basically he said he never wanted kids had messaged me to “get rid” and then apologised for the message. I asked did he want to no anything when she was born ect his response I’m going away. Fastward day after she was born I sent him a picture of his daughter he never responded and I then sent a message (I know shouldn’t have bothered either) but just to tell him her name and if he ever wanted involved ever or to meet her ect. Again no response I guess I’m just wanting a response of a yes or no in the fear he turns up 10 years time and wants a relationship with her when I may meet someone else who my daughter sees as a father figure and don’t want her hurt. Should I take no response as a response! Just found out as I type this also he has a new partner. Thanks

No response is his response. He’s never given you any reason to think otherwise.

Honestly, my ex disappeared out of my daughter’s life when she was 5 . Contact was only sporadic before that . He has a new partner ( a very unpleasant one ) and she became his priority. My daughter has been completely raised by my new partner for the last 20 years!

@Toomanysquishmallows thank you I guess from the messages he sent me previously it was always clear but I was always trying to give him the benefit of the doubt thinking he may change he’s mind as he never give me a definite answer but like @MississippiAF said no response is a response. I feel hurt though that he has moved on with a new girl and not give his daughter a second thought.

It's really not great but there are worse things though, @Robin1244. I've seen at least one thread in MN in the last few days where the child/children are being weaponised to hurt the mother.

Also, though he apologised he also told you to "get rid" as well as now ignoring you so I think that's his response, loud and clear.

Just be clear not to paint a rosey picture of him to your child when she's aware enough to ask about her daddy.

I hope you've given your daughter your surname, and he's not in the birth certificate? Is he paying maintenance for her? 🌹

@Newestname002 I guess I just always liked to try and stay positive as it was a shock and thought maybe he would come round after apologising the first time. I have the messages saved for her when the time comes that she knows I tried. Yes she has my surname and he is not on the birth certificate and does not pay towards her

Put in a claim to the CMS today.

The arsehole can walk away from his child, but he shouldn't get away with not contributing financially to their upbringing.

@Robin1244 , I don’t know if it helps , but my 25 year old dd Has no interest whatsoever in the prat who abandoned her . She knows she was raised by my family.

@JungleJimmy would I have to pay to take him to court to pay towards her do you know? Just because he’s not on birth certificate and probably say she’s not his. He’s one to hide his money so I doubt I would get anything

@JungleJimmy would I have to pay to take him to court to pay towards her do you know? Just because he’s not on birth certificate and probably say she’s not his. He’s one to hide his money so I doubt I would get anything

My daughter is nearly 3 and her dad has never met her / seen her etc - doesn't care about her and basically acts as if she doesn't exist. Hadn't told anyone she even exists I don't expect

I contacted cms (it cost me £20 to apply) and he pays for her through his wages (so it's almost like a tax to him)
He did try saying he wasn't her dad to not pay for her - as he's not on her birth certificate - they said he would have to pay for the DNA test (which he didn't do) so they assumed he was her dad and started taking the payments.

It's been 3 years and no contact so .....

Check out this webpage

www.gov.uk/search/all?keywords=Applying+for+child+maintenance&order=relevance

And complete the online form and submit it; if he argues about paternity there will be hoops to jump through then, but it's all on the website.

Claiming child maintenance, especially if it's a pittance amount can cause more issues down the line as it means he could try to reenter his DDs life then interfere. Him not being involved as it's advantages eg you want to move. I know it seems so wrong men can walk away but just do you even want paper link to him, if you claim he could demand to be on the birth certificate which means issues going on holiday etc.

Does he have family that might want to be involved? Then it might be worth thinking about, grandparents, cousins should not be tarred with the same brush as they useless relative

@mitogoshi thats what I think to is it even worth the stress of it I am all I don’t want or need his money but at as others have said he should have to pay towards her but again he’s not on birth certificate and I’d rather keep it that way. I don’t even no if his family no she exists or if they would want involved to be honest

@mitogoshi my daughter has been dropped by her “ dads “ entire family, sadly her grandparents died when she was very tiny , but none of the aunts or uncles have bothered.

@mitogoshi did they know about your daughter?

You are confusing parental responsibility with child maintenance.

They are not connected.

Paying child maintenance doesn't make him 'more' of her dad than she already is.

He doesn't get to make any decisions about her life without parental responsibility. Paying maintenance doesn't give him PR.

Equally - the nonsense written on MN about not including in a birth certificate is a 'holding' situation at best. Any man can pay 215 and make an application to be named as father and to be permitted to apply for PR. If you you know the man is NOT your child's father then the court will pay for the dna test - however if you deny he is and it's proved to be true then you have to foot fhe bill. PR is a very short court hearing from that point .

Apply for CMS it's her entitlement.