Ex disagrees maintenance

[Lauralizzie]

Hi
Me and kids dad split up in December after he had an affair.
I went to child maintenance gov site to work out amount he should pay and he disagreed with the original calculation, so I did a proper form through them and I've just had the calculation saying £544 a month. He is saying he can't afford it and won't pay it, so i offered £500 and he said he can't pay more than £450.
He has a well paid job and I'm very skint working hours to fit around the kids. What do I do? Accept the £450 and struggle but hopefully continue a friendly co parenting relationship. Or go through child maintenance to get the proper amount from him, which will probably result in him being an asshole?

Go through CMS officially

Why would you even think about not insisting on the CMS amount ? Remember this is the basic amount . You are shortchanging your children if you give in to him.

Go through CMS

But even with the drama it'll cause from him?

Go through CMS, they'll review it annually too. Yes, initially it makes it uncomfortable but having a'middle 'man' is actually really useful. If he can't afford it he'll have to adjust his lifestyle or take on more hours

He’s already causing drama as it is

Let him cause drama. Assume the first year of splitting up is going to contain these dramatic blips, and with any luck once it's all ironed out future years will be easier.

He’s an asshole anyway - you might as well get the full amount your children are entitled to.

Is he saying he can’t afford it or is the OW saying it’s too much?

Just take the emotion out of it. Say to him in a neutral tone 'Ok. We can't agree what is fair, so we need to let CMS decide. That way neither of us can feel the other one is taking the mickey. They will do the financial decision on what the children are entitled to'.

And don't budge. If he argues just nod, make 'Hmm,' noises and then say, 'Ok. Well, I'm still going to do it through the official channels. It will be less stressful'.

Just repeat ad infinitum: this money is for the children and their needs

He's saying it's too much.

I need to be like this!!!!

Kind of sounds like he's already an asshole?

He wants to short your kids by £94 pcm, which is £1128 annually. The shortfall will be made up of some combination of you providing the balance, or your kids going without.

If you allow him to underpay it will end up being more than that amount as he won't be reporting any pay increases or overtime. Plus he can screw you around with missed or late payments, or recalculating it when he wishes.

Avoid the drama, go through CMS.

If you don't go through CMS what's to stop him dicking you around? Not paying on time? Deciding 450 is still too much?

Let him be a twat about it. He is as responsible for housing, feeding and clothing his children as you are