Tips welcome on learning to accept how I am and not how I want to be.?

[raisinbran]

I have had a pretty rough day finding out more surprises about my exH and have ended up doing lots of negative thinking.How can I get my confidence back and accept my personality and abilities.Everyone else appears to be more competent including exh girlfriend.

My friends would describe my best points as friendly, nice, pleasant willing to help.Good Mum, loves holidays and travelling.Tries hard worries too much.

I wish I was more optomistic,enthusiastic, passionate, fanatstic at my job, really clever, good cook, gardner,DIY expert. Had a great knowledge of computers, good memory, good grasp of finance, better sense of humour.I not really talented at anything and even lousy at most.

Whilst I know my ex isn't right for me he has found most of those qualities in his new girlfriend.It's no wonder he doesn't love me and what chance have I got of meeting anyone else if I was a man I wouldn't think I was very interesting.

You have a lot going for you, you just don't see it. All the above things you mentioned can be worked on. You just need to believe in yourself. Now you dont have a boyfriend you have time to do something about it. Try not to dwell on the past, it is called the past for a reason. Make a list, start small. Take up exercise, salsa dancing is great to improve confidence. Don't look for a boyfriend right now, be on your own for a while. Take up a hobby, learn a new skill. I wish you luck, you deserve it!

Oh sweet, Im effing great and I dont have a man!

(that was tongue in cheek btw)

Thanks guys, I am going to allow myself one more day to feel sorry for myself than I'll start to take action!

I am so jealous he is dashing off to global Four Seasons hotels with the new love of his life.
Its not the same going by your self with a few books.

You wouldn't be human if you weren't jealous, but I'm sorry it's making you question your own self-worth. All those things you describe yourself as are very positive, good, decent qualities. You need some confidence, and all you need to be confident is to know that (as a human being) you are deserving of the space you occupy in the world.
It's okay to know your crap points (we all have them) - infact it's more than okay. It makes you intelligent, because many people can't see their bad points at all. Cross off all the things on your list that you're bad at. SO WHAT? Instead, make a list of all the things that make you loveable, that you can do, that you are proud of, etc. You will see that you deserve your space in the world, that you deserve good things, and that in all likelihood, they will be along in the future.

Hunny, I have a PC hobby too, built my pc to internet ready spec in 3 days.

I'm glad your aware of your bad points, but you don't give your good points enough credit here. It's staring you straight in the face. Loving, caring, kindness....all good qualities in my book hun.

Make a pros and cons list...and I think you'll find the pros outweighing the cons.

Positive thoughts I believe, bring more positivity into your life...like breeds like and all that.. what goes around, comes around.
HTH and take good care of yourself x x

Well the first thing you need to do is stop comparing yourself to other people, especially your ex's gf!

Then, you need to start loving yourself and treating yourself with respect! Every time you catch yourself indulging in negative thinking, stop and ask yourself if you would say that to a friend of yours. Chances are you wouldn't, because you like and respect them, so don't do it to yourself either!

Worrying solves nothing and doesn't help in any way whatsoever, so start consciously trying not to worry every time you start. Get into the habit of not worrying.

Concentrate on what you've got and what you can get, rahter than what you haven't got. Seriously.

raisinbran - ditto ALL of what has bee nsaid about comparing yourself to others - ESPECIALLY g/friend. You can't know any of that stuff is true.

Ex-p's capacity to love you is nothing to do with you - it's his limitations fundamentally.

Focus on you and your good points, not someone else's.

I decided to take joy in the little things and smile when ever I can. As for the girlfriend well I feel sorry for her really, she can play at being a stepford wife for now, I am fed up playing that game so I am reinventing myself and those little treats I can now afford make all the difference.

Think about what you are good at and what you are all about, perhaps being a little optimistic or enthusiastic is OK, not everyone can be full on, and quite frankly people like that come accross as desperate and false, a little bit of reality is fine with me.

Oh, I'm glad you said that Scramble. Everyone's always telling me that xh's girlfriend is 'mad' (as in 'full on' mental). I've never liked that quality. I think it's all a bit of a hollow shell, but I can't say that to anyone cos they'll all just think I'm 'bitter' (I hate that word). So I'm glad you said it.

[ If anyone just caught me making comparisons between myself and xh's girlfriend, please don't tell the OP ]