Feeling guilty need a break, lonely !!

[georgina8787]

First time posting
Single mum of 2 under 7
And feeling lonely
No help from the dad or my mum so I'm on the go 24/7!
Feeling burnt out snappy at kids and feeling very guilty for it

Need new friends also

That's a lot OP, no wonder you feel you need a break!
If you can't have a break, can you have a change? Do you have a car? Can you just take off and explore for a day?

I do have car and do try get out as much as possible but it don't take me away from that suffocating feeling I constantly have... honestly I count my blessings daily but am so unhappy with life right now. Just don't kno what to do

It is hard to be on your own making all the decisions and having all the responsibilities so yes it can be quite suffocating and anxiety making.
Maybe you could talk to your GP and see if they can help?
Two under 7 is a lot on your own but it's also such a precious time, they need so much of you (and are just so sweet). Do you get enough sleep OP?

I've tried antidepressants and they made me so much worse in the early offset so have stayed well clear. Sleep... prob not. Where I never get a break I tend to stay up till 11.30 most nights so I have 2 hours to myself after the kids go down...
just at an all time low and feel like it's a vicious circle, I'm defo depressed by the guilt feeling in my gut is the worst. Everything just seems to be going wrong. Fell out with my mum over a year ago, friends are there but all have their own life although always been independent so that really isn't the issue. Just feel like I'm pushing everyone away and if I carry on being this ogar my kids may be next. I hate the person I've become!

Why are you feeling guilty? You're looking after your DCs on your own with no support, you have every reasons to be proud of yourself. Everything is not going wrong, you are keeping it all together, but it's a lot. How old are your DCs? Do you have a garden OP? How are you for money?
After a while the fallout with your mum will mess with your head though and make you feel very lonely. Do you have any other family?
I get it with the antidepressants, but your doctor should know how you are feeling and should help, that's his job. Tell them how you feel OP and that it's impacting your children.

You sound lovely by the way, you just need help OP.

Thank you that's very kind.

I'm ok with money thankfully! Yes I have a garden and do have a Nan who's luckily still here and cousins and an aunt. The fall out with my mum is defo taking its toll. I can't understand why she wouldn't want my kids in her life tbh and it makes me so resentful of her. I'm so very lucky I know and I'm in a better position than most I just feel very much in a rut. No direction. I've been single for 2 years ...very single purley because I don't go out. Having a man don't bother me tbf but I feel like screaming I just need a breath if that makes sense.

If it just helps in some way to post here then I hope you know from this that others understand.

It's relentless and I get why you feel guilty.

Xxx

U felt the same guilt?
I have 2 really great kids, active but great and I feel guilty for being miserable. I feel like I'm never present

You need to get out and about and some social connection even if they aren't friends and also to have a break

Spend this morning searching for free activities in the area, the library is a great place to start. If you aren't at work make sure you go to them. You'll eventually see it's the same faces and spark up conversation.

If you can enrol you children in a class then go prepared with a coffee and a book, knitting/crochet and a downloaded TV show - whatever you are into and sit and do it in the car as enforced 'you' time away from chores

When at home have the radio or podcasts in in the background, it makes you feel less alone with adult voices in the background.

Do things that you enjoy, forme that's going to the cinema/theatre, there are often cheaper showings and ofcourse its child orientated to begin with but as the grows you can go to things that are more to your taste too.

Then plan what you want your life to look like in 10 years. Right now you are in the thick of it, but you can take small steps towards the future will make you feel like you have more purpose

OP @Singleandproud has some great ideas. What do you think?

I agree very much with @Singleandproud those small interactions can be quite lovely. The woman on the checkout yesterday asked if I was originally from the area. I’m not and am from down South oop North, she was from Surrey and she just said she liked hearing a familiar accent and then we had a brief chat.

Sorry to read you fell out with your Mum is it a situation that is ever repairable? You don’t need to write what it is. I can see why you feel a bit down, please don’t feel guilty.

We fell out because she's just a let down- never helps makes excuses - the nail on the head was when my daughter got hospitalised and I asked for help with my 2 year old she basically told me take him to my 80 year old nan. Got tired of asking and a lot of resentment kicked in now I wash my hands. She hasn't even tried to keep in touch with them

That's so sad for you and your DCs @georgina8787 it must hurt. Some grandparents are like that and eventually it's their loss. But it must be hard to accept that their gran doesn't want a relationship with your DCs or wouldn't at least help you out in an emergency.
How's your DD is she better now? That episode alone must have been emotionally exhausting for you.