Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Can a man really get that down ???

11 replies

maltesers · 27/03/2008 21:16

This new man i fancy the pants off, and he fancies me too, and yes, we have got cosy twice now over a period of about 4 months, has got really upset and down about losing his job,(redundant) which was on the cards for months. Its like the be all and end all of his life..... do men really get that down about it, that they cancel dates with you at the last minute and refuse to contact you for weeks and weeks on end ???? And yet when we chat or meet he is so lovely, so genuine, and so honest... And i am not naive,,,, am a mature mum and divorced amd separated and have put up with a lot of rats in my time. I cannot work this man out ... He says he cant think about anything else now he has been made redundant...but when we meet ... its electric !!!! Would like to see him all the time, but he is just not bothering to pick up any momentum with our dating .
Any advice ???

OP posts:
Flibbertyjibbet · 27/03/2008 21:35

Forget him.
You've had two cosy sessions in 4 months - that doesn't sound all that keen to me.
Then the job thing - if he really valued your relationship he would turn to you for support at this time, not use it as an excuse not to see you any more.
Sorry. Anyone that doesn't contact you for weeks and weeks on end isn't that into you.

wiggleit · 27/03/2008 21:47

Hi, have to say i kind of agree with Flibberty. I think men can get v down when made redundant but think he is using it as an excuse to treat you v badly. Why would he cancel dates at the last minute coz of that or not contact you for weeks? If anything like Flib says he would turn to you for support if anything.. I wouldn't tolerate that behaviour. Make yourself more unavailable..it's not good if you are there all the time at his beck n call. He is not that bothered truth be told...sorry if that seems a bit harsh. Find someone else!

littlewoman · 27/03/2008 22:01

Agree totally with Flibbertyjibbet. Even if he does really like you, he has a major propensity for depression which is going to be very hard work, should you ever get together. There will be other men for you.

turquoise · 27/03/2008 22:13

I think redundancy can be a massive blow to the male ego, very much more than for women.

However, unless he has tremendous ego issues (which wouldn't bode well for any relationship right now), this is more to do with typical male cowardice about just being straight when they don't want a relationship. Sorry.

This book is the bible, seriously. Everything is simple once you've read it.

chikenmother · 27/03/2008 22:19

You will survive without him, cannot allow him to behave like that!!

littlewoman · 27/03/2008 22:34

Agree, if he was really into you, you would know it. People can't hide that sort of affection.

lostdad · 31/03/2008 08:24

Yes, they can. For many men, it's part of their identity - like being a father. Strip that away and they feel like they have lost part of themselves.

Me, being the weirdo I obviously am have never been obsessed by my career - my (ex)wife and son being the be all and end all of my life.

When she went and took him I lost a stone of weight in two weeks, was diagnosed with depression, had severe palpitations, was suicidal and continued to work even though the doctor wanted to sign me off because of all this - I needed to pay the bills. Plus...it was the only thing I had left.

Men have exactly the same feelings as women - they just deal with them differently. Then again, I suppose some will see this as evidence that I'm not much of a man...

Original poster
maltesers · 31/03/2008 17:53

thanks Lostdad.... that was helpful... can tolerate that reason.. as it happens he does not want any relationship and has kinda dumped me.... bit sad but he did swear on his life it was not for another woman... oh well, if he is lying ... he is not worth bothering bout anyway !!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
allgonebellyup · 31/03/2008 20:28

ooh i met this gorgeous bloke online and we met a few times, he also lost his job and not only was he very upset , but he kept going on and on about it, and like your fella, used it as an excuse not to see me. He only lived 6miles away but said he couldnt even afford the train to come and see me (costs about £3.80), or he was too upset.

In the end i realised that actually, he just wasnt that into me.

i stopped calling him, and it took 8 weeks for him to call me, by which time i had deleted him from my phone.

allgonebellyup · 31/03/2008 20:30

sorry to hear maltesers that it all went downhill... but i think you knew it would anyway..

littlewoman · 01/04/2008 02:02

I'm very sorry to hear that Maltesers. One frog closer to your prince, I hope.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page