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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Someone said this to me yesterday, and it made sense, even tho its been said before, the penny is starting to drop.

10 replies

piratecat · 27/03/2008 12:31

This really resonated

'piratecat, its 'his choice', and somehow it really really made sense.

we all have choices.

whatever he does, says, it really is NOT MY FAULT or RESPONSIBILITY

anymore.

that might just help us all rise above, and carry on being good mums.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Alambil · 27/03/2008 19:08

Too right - keep hold of that thought every time he screws up or puts the kids through misery - he is CHOOSING to... no-one but no-one is forcing him (and the kids will realise that too)

lou33 · 27/03/2008 19:13

yes i agree

littlewoman · 27/03/2008 19:23

Very true, piratecat.

chickenmama · 27/03/2008 19:36

It's very true.

I tried for ages to get xp to be the kind of dad I wanted for my dd. Then I heard some wise words on here and realised that however hard I try, I can't force him to be a good father.

It's his choice, and although I really dislike him for the way he's treating her, there's nothing I can do about it.

Things have been much easier since I realised that and it all washes over me now.

OverMyDeadBody · 27/03/2008 19:42

Great post piratecat. It took sopmeone else to point this out to me too, and was like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

It's true for anyone else's behaviour too, family, friends, random strangers. Stops you taking other people's behaviour personally.

fireflytoo · 27/03/2008 19:45

Also remember that past the age of about 13, people don't really change much essentially. And you are not responsible for the consequences of other people's behaviour.

littlewoman · 27/03/2008 22:16

The thing about what Chickenmama said is that, now, she can use that energy she was wasting on him to do something much more positive and fun. It uses a lot of our energy, being angry and resentful. Might as well use it in the park playing rounders with the kids.

Original poster

piratecat · 28/03/2008 16:53

now i just have to apply it to the 'diet' lmao!!!

its 'my choice'!!

OP posts:

Scramble · 29/03/2008 23:22

Thanks for the reminder. I was sitting here feeling bad that I said no to exH seeing the kids tomorrow. But I have to remember that he choose to wait until tonight to text me to ask. I have made it quite clear I will not make arrangment via text messages and certainly not at such short notice.

He choose to cancel the one evening he sees both of them this week as he was going to see a show.

He choose to not to take them home and put them both to bed on the other night, meaning DD saw him for 10 mins while he chatted to the other mums outside her activity while dumping DS with me.

He choose to leave despite me civing hime the chance to stay.

He chooses work and his girlfriend over his kids.

It is not my fault and I can only make sure I am the best mum I can be!

melimum · 29/03/2008 23:51

my ds is 3.5 and i have been struggling with this for 3 years
this week my ds told him he wasnt very happy with him for not coming to see him when he said he would
just let him say it and ds then said bye on phone and gave it to me so i hung it up

ds coping better than me!!
i still get so angry

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