Trying to keep things the same

[jugglefail]

Hi - I'm posting here as I'm hoping that some of you will have some advice / experience.

It's looking likely that my DH and I will split up, it's not what I want for our family, but we aren't making each other happy and the more things limp along, the more I feel that we will all eventually be happier if we split. I know 100% I wouldn't be with him still if it weren't for the kids as there's no affection anymore and it all feels v sad.

So - the kids. We have 3, youngest is preschool, oldest 11. This will hit the 11yo hard, really hard, as I don't think they are really aware how bad things are - they don't notice that dh and I don't hug /kiss etc and we don't argue in front on the kids, we just deal in practicalities.

I think (hope) the younger kids will take it better as the youngest is young enough to take it in their stride & the middle is a v laid back sort of personality anyway. But my eldest is my big worry.

So in the likely ensuing upheaval, I want to be able to keep things as normal as possible in every other area, particularly for my eldest, but a big stumbling block I have is that my eldest is quite seriously into a sport that requires going to training before school 3/4 days a week and it is the one thing they LOVE, really love, obsessed with.

They can do that at the moment as one of us is at home with the younger kids... but if we split up... I can't take the little ones up out of bed super early every other day... it's not fair on them... we do currently lift share with other parents but I can't ask them to do it all the time... what do people do with things like this? I don't want to stay in a miserable marriage cause of something like this 🙈

I do have friends who would help where they can - but not at 6am and (elderly) family but family aren't really close by (40mins) so it's not like they can pop in to babysit or take the eldest... i can't rely on 'dh' to do things during the week as I expect when we split he will move nearer his family so won't be just down the road.

I should add that the training isn't a walk away, it's a drive, and we can't move right next to it or anything as drastic as that as I couldn't afford the house prices there...

[paddingtoncoffee]

You could lift share part of the time and do some of the days with the youngest in tow?

I am here for you OP, during 3 early covid I couldn't go to a shop as child was too young to leave outside.

If they're sensible enough could you get a relationship with a local taxi service? Again, I found one that I trusted (different scenario) and they would factor me into their bookings and it would be the same driver every time