Best age for DD to be a single parent?

[zssta]

Seeking advice from fellow parents: I have a nine-month-old daughter with my partner, but I've realized he exhibits misogynistic and narcissistic behavior, often blaming me for his problems. We co-own a house, and he only helps with our daughter for about 20% of the day. I'm hesitant to leave because I fear I'll have no support as a single parent. Living in the UK without family nearby adds to the challenge. I'm wondering when is the best time to transition to single parenthood, considering the difficulties of raising a child alone. Any advice or insights would be greatly appreciated.

[TheMushroomFamily]

I raise 4 kids alone with no family help and an absent ex, you will be fine. Obviously certain ages would be easier maybe school age but realistically that’s a long way off!

[Elfie23]

My DD was 6 months when I split with ex.
She has always known life to be with mum and dad separate. See dad alternate weekends to start now she goes every Fri and alternate Saturdays. It's normal for her. I wondered if she was older if it would have had more of an effect on her.
I'd say younger is better?

[purpleme12]

For the child? Younger.
As they get older they'll obviously know a life altogether so they'll have more to miss.
Younger the child the better for the child

[zssta]

@Elfie23

My DD was 6 months when I split with ex.
She has always known life to be with mum and dad separate. See dad alternate weekends to start now she goes every Fri and alternate Saturdays. It's normal for her. I wondered if she was older if it would have had more of an effect on her.
I'd say younger is better?

Were you comfortable for your ex to have your child at 6 months overnight??

[GreenRaven]

Immediately. Today.

[Maddy70]

There is never a best age but living in a toxic household is destructive at any age

[NotARealWookiie]

I’d be inclined to go sooner than later. The more aware a child is, the more traumatic the separation for them. If you can get her father to have a consistent contact arrangement in place from a young age then it’ll be all she’s ever known.

[spicedlemonpie]

I raised both mine from the day they were born till the day they moved out as a single mother.
No help from anyone no family no nanny no CM nothing the only break i had was
when they went to school what they got i got it for them.
Wouldent change it for the world.

[Elfie23]

I wouldn't say comfortable as he did literally nothing in those 6 months to help but figured he'd have to get on with it.
He was living with his dad which made me feel slightly better about it but there were nights she wouldn't settle for him and I'd have to go and collect her.
He'd get the arse about it but I think it's because she didn't 'know' him. His choice he only saw her every 2 weeks. She would cry at him a lot until he made more effort.

He's had various girlfriends over the years and 2 more children with 2 other women, he was useless with the 2nd child too but as my DD has got older (read, easier) he's got a lot better with her.
She's almost 10 now though x

[TooBigForMyBoots]

As early as possible.

[Meadowfinch]

If you are going to leave, do it as early as possible.

But with the overnight thing, my choice was made easier by ex refusing to change nappies or do anything baby bum related, so he didn't want ds overnight until he was 4.

I left when ds was 2 and he didn't even notice ex wasn't around, ex had spent so little time with him.

Good luck.

[Autienotnaughtie]

My dd were 3 and 5. The 5 year old struggled a lot more as I think she had more of a memory of being together as a family.

At first they went to their dads three nights a week. After a year or so he switch to eow and one night in the week. Around five years later he split with his second wife and moved about a hour away and dropped it to eow, then once a month and eventually became every few months. They are adults now and not close to him.

I'd say the younger the better but I also wouldn't feel comfortable with sleeping out under one.

[VenetiaHallisWellPosh]

As soon as you can. Make arrangements in the morning. Speak to Womens Aid for advice if you feel unsafe. Good luck